| Kellogg's Powerpuff Girls Cereal |
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transcribed by Louis Badalament II (lb140900@ohio.edu)
It is a bright and sunny morning today in Townsville, an ideal atmosphere for mischievous machinations to brew. One such contrivance, in fact, is but moments away from being executed by none other than the ever-scheming MOJO JOJO. As the green-skinned chimpanzee peers through the eyepiece of his Observatory Lair's monstrous telescope, he lets US, his alert and attentive audience, be privy to what it is.
MOJO JOJO: I, Mojo Jojo, have found the secret of the Powerpuff Girls' powers!
Through his telescope, MOJO JOJO observes his hated nemesis, the POWERPUFF GIRLS, fly in and lay the smack down on a gigantic, roaring, building-tall lizard beast. Up until then, the creature had been meting out fiery havoc on the hapless city, but the airborne
POWERPUFFS' super-powered martial arts prowess bring the monster down for the count within seconds.
MOJO JOJO: The secret was discovered by me!
...He says, turning away from his telescope with a satisfied smile, and at last filling US in on what this glorious secret is.
MOJO JOJO: It's Kellogg's new Powerpuff Girls Cereal!
...Which he just happens to have a full box of right now to hold up proudly for all of US to see. The opened cardboard box is of the standard Kellogg's variety, its cover has a blue background and sports an image of the POWERPUFF GIRLS facing forward in midair. Each one of them is poised in their own adorable poses, hovering right below the red cursive Kellogg's insignia, and just above a sample of their own cereal, which sits in an enormous serving bowl big enough for all three of the POWERPUFF GIRLS to bathe in at once.
MOJO JOJO flips the box over his own, more normal-sized bowl, and the contents spill into it with a wheaty tinkle. Scattered among the customary bits of boring sugared grain are colored fizzling bits of blue and pink and green that sparkle like precious gemstones in MOJO JOJO'S bowl. MOJO JOJO scoops up a spoonful of the breakfast food, already bathed in the banana-flavored milk he had so prudently thought to pour in beforehand, and brings it up closer to his mouth. A single milk droplet trickles down the bottom of the spoon and falls back into the bowl.
MOJO JOJO: (Lovingly) Little sweet power-packed clusters fizz sweetly in my mouth...
At this moment, MOJO JOJO is distracted by the cereal's three little namesake, which a giant monitor the monkey's standing next to shows soaring heroically through the sky. He glares at the three of them hatefully, then quickly finishing his exposition on what the cereal does for him.)
MOJO JOJO: (Gruff) ...and give me the strength of the Powerpuff
Girls!
MOJO JOJO denotes this incredible level of strength by tightening a bicep into a bodybuilder's flex. So focused is he on his flexing, he does not at first see the POWERPUFF GIRLS stop suddenly in mid-flight. From the irate expressions on their faces, it is all too clear that, through this large observatory monitor, they can see him in where
he is just as easily as he can see them out where they are.
As a small, walnut-sized bulge, looking embarrassed to even be there, finally springs up from the center of his hairy arm, BUTTERCUP shouts to MOJO JOJO from the monitor, which has zoomed in on the bodies of her and her sisters, enlarging their image up to a mighty gargantuan height without his even having to click a mouse.
BUTTERCUP: (Angrily) Give us back our cereal...!
BLOSSOM: ...Mojo Jojo!
In the few seconds still remaining to the luckless monkey, MOJO JOJO hurriedly turns around and starts shoveling the bowl of stolen breakfast into his mouth.
MOJO JOJO: (Eating cereal) MMM-MMM-MMM!!!
He manages to swallow it all down just as his three unwanted guests invite themselves in through his roof, and the NARRATOR suddenly pipes up in a reproachful, admonishing voice.
NARRATOR: (Berating) Oh, Mojo!
Having finished his cereal, MOJO JOJO faces outward with a stern look on his face, both biceps curved in an intimidating flex. The effect is lost the next second when BUTTERCUP slams into his chin with a flying kick. As BLOSSOM adds an uppercut in, MOJO JOJO had to accept the unpleasant fact that...
NARRATOR: Even Kellogg's new Powerpuff Girls Cereal can't make you a superhero...
...any more than any of the other cereals that the Kellogg company has produced. Desperately, MOJO JOJO tries to make a run for it, but the end of his long, purple cape is caught by BUBBLES...
MOJO JOJO: (Choking) Ggah!
...who flips him back and forth over her head like a basketball on a string, until she at last lets him land with a painful crack in his helmet. The next thing WE all see, however, is a great big full-front view of the box containing the cereal that started this mess in the first place, standing on a table quite picturesquely beside a pitcher of milk, a drinking glass filled with additional milk, and a drinking glass filled with orange juice, a plate of waffles, and a bowl set on a cloth filled up with yet more of Kellogg's Powerpuff Girls Cereal.
NARRATOR: ...But it is the only cereal to pack the punch of the Powerpuff Girls!
Incredibly, as the NARRATOR discloses this little factoid to US, the Powerpuff Cereal Box suddenly starts hopping about on the table under its own bizarre power, its sides protruding with bulges as big as MOJO JOJO'S muscles. With enough 'punch' inside to match the punches currently being dispensed to MOJO JOJO in the shadowy background by the POWERPUFF GIRLS...
BLOSSOM: (Battle cry) Ha!
...It's reassuring to know that...
NARRATOR: It's part of this complete breakfast...AND...only around for a limited time!
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