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Milk, Blossom? |
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transcribed by Louis Badalament II (lb140900@ohio.edu)
The bell's ringing at Pokey Oaks Kindergarten, signaling the end of another school day. An excited mob of happy, screaming children stampede out of the kindergarten, and rush into the yellow bus waiting for them by the curbside. Almost all of the children are holding bottles of delicious, nutritious strawberry-flavored milk.
The children entering the bus walk into their seats barely noticing the bus' driver, such as a little boy with a strawberry milk bottle in his hands...
FUZZY: Ah'll be takin' DAT!
...That is, until it is snatched from his by the pink, hairy arm of the driver.
FUZZY: Oh, dat looks HEALTHEY!
Similar treatment is given to the next boy behind him, also carrying a bottle of mineral-enhanced strawberry milk.
FUZZY: Ken't yew READ?!
The driver thumbs his thumb up at a sign he taped up, 'No STrawberry miLk,' to the next boy with milk that passes him, before helping himself to his drink.
Close to the bus driver is BLOSSOM, who's watching all these events take place from one of the bus seats, having her arms folded and looking angry.
BLOSSOM: That bus driver's taking all the creamy, delicious strawberry milk!
FUZZY: Thank yew vary MUCH!
The bus driver thanks to a trio of young ladies as he seizes the strawberry milks from their hands, and smiles evilly at them.
NARRATOR: That bus driver looks familiar!
BLOSSOM looks up and is shocked when she reads the bus driver's license that he's got posted up; it reads, 'Your Driver's Name Is: Fuzzy Lumpkins,' and has a wickedly-grinning mug shot of her enemy's face.
BLOSSOM: (pointing at FUZZY) HEY! You're Fuzzy Lumkins!
FUZZY doesn't deny it, instead he whirls his head around to flash a mean grin to the children seated in the bus seats.
NARRATOR: But why the strawberry milk, Fuzzy?! Why?!
FUZZY: (Shouting) Because Ah need the calcium fer strong BONES!
Then he lovingly pats the fur on his arm.
FUZZY: (Appreciatively) And it makes mah fur pink!
BLOSSOM: Get a dye job!
Now they're on the attack. Clutching one of the bottles of strawberry milk, the vicious mountain hermit runs through a gauntlet of spitball-hurling kindergarten students, swings open the doors at the back of the school bus, and jumps out, looking very much like an escaped convict. FUZZY runs around the side of the bus, only to crash headlong into the bus' 'STOP' sign BLOSSOM has levered out for the express purpose of him colliding with it. Poking her head out of the driver's window, BLOSSOM tells FUZZY to...
BLOSSOM: Hand over the strawberry, SHORTCAKE!
FUZZY LUMKINS is left where he is on the asphalt to lay there out cold and watch stars swirl around his head. BLOSSOM, meanwhile, has appropriated the bottle of bone-strengthening strawberry milk, and, hovering next to a road sign that asks, 'got milk?' she imbibes the pasteurized delight, in seconds, only a pink milk-mustache remains of the yummy thirst-quencher.
BLOSSOM: Ah!
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