Jewel of the Aisle

transcribed by Louis Badalament II (lb140900@ohio.edu)

Nighttime is in full swing in... 

NARRATOR: The City of Townsville! 

...Which, though possessing a lot of other positive attributes, is unfortunately... 

NARRATOR: Not exactly the best place for a jewelry store!

At this very moment, in fact, the local 'JEWELRY' jewelry store is suffering a shadowy figure leaping out through its display window. 

NARRATOR: See what I mean?

Police cruisers are scouring the roadways practically the next instant after the store's burglar alarm sounds its cry, but our villain is able to get away by ducking into an alleyway. 

This hoodlum, as is turns out, is a newcomer to Townsville's vast faction of wrongdoers. Our JEWEL THIEF is a fat Caucasian man clad in a red sweater, black pants and boots, and a baggy cap on his head. Greedy though he may be, our man is obviously not a particularly excessive plunderer; instead of a heaping sack of gemstones, only a single jewel is clasped between the THIEF'S thieving fingers...though, in fairness to the THIEF, it does look to be a extremely valuable one. Big as a railroad spike and twice as thick, it gleams in the alleyway with the lovely colorlessness of a diamond. Its happy, sneering THIEF, having ascertained that the cops haven't spotted him, starts hurrying down the backway. 

NARRATOR: But it's not exactly the best place for crooks, either!

...As evidenced by the three very put-off POWERPUFF GIRLS that are obstructing the JEWEL THIEF'S escape route. Scowling, cross-armed, the POWERPUFFS loom down at the man in mid-air, who stops in his tracks and stares up at the three of them in alarm.

NARRATOR: See what I mean?
JEWEL THIEF: (Displeased) Aw, fudge. 

Our JEWEL THIEF, though, is not going to make it easy for the superheroes. With that path blocked, the THIEF speeds down the way he came, running out of the alleyway to stop straight in the open road. As he casts about for a good place to run to, the headlights of a late-night commuter's car catch his attention. Though the commuter honks his horn, the THIEF stands transfixed as a deer, which predictably results in the car's colliding with him. He does not die, however, when his head smashes through the vehicle's windshield, instead, the unharmed THIEF knocks the commuter out of his ugly lavender-colored car and take the wheel. 

The JEWEL THIEF accelerates through a mountainous tunnel at a speed too fast to successfully complete a sharp turn that faces him at the tunnel's exit; he crashes through the balustrade on the other end, and tumbles down the rocky mountainside it had been blocking, plunging headlong out of his car and bouncing painfully all the way down 

The next thing the THIEF knows, he has bounced onto the roof of a train depot, and straight on top of the lead car of a roaring monorail. Though the train bears down at an ungodly speed, the startled THIEF is able to hunker low and keep his ground as the wind whistles by him. Soon enough, he sees that the tracks lead across a bridge suspended over a long body of water; as the monorail charges across, the THIEF leaps off from it, plunging all the way down into the water's depths. 

A wild-eyed expression on his face, the THIEF next thrashes his way across the water over to the motorboat of a fisherman who happens to be close at hand. The fisherman, unfocused to begin with, is distracted by a telltale tug on his lure, and then is socked out into the water by a punch from the THIEF, who hoists himself onto his craft. 

The THIEF jerks the motorboat's control lever from 'STOP' to 'FAST', and cuts across the water. As before, the JEWEL THIEF is so focused on moving forward as fast as he can, he does not bother to maneuver around obstacles, such as the beachside rock that the motorboat's nose smashes into, and the THIEF is again flung off his means of transportation, this time through the doors of a roller rink. 

As an organ player in the center belts out a cheerful carnival tune, the JEWEL THIEF glides around the rink in a fresh pair of skates he's appropriated. Unlike the other skaters around him, the THIEF doesn't look to be having that much fun, and after two loops around, he's back to running away, somehow managing to make it all the way to the roller rink's roof in his new set of skates. 

He slams out through the roof's door, builds up speed with his skates, and leaps across the expansive gap to land on the rooftop of an adjoining building. At last, the JEWEL THIEF brings himself to a stop. He looks down the way he came, and sees no POWERPUFF GIRLS in pursuit. Triumphant, he raises both his hands in the air, finally having eluded his pursuers here on the roof of 'GENERALLY FOOD INC.' 

Except that when the JEWEL THIEF skates forward a bit, he finds the three POWERPUFFS standing in his way again, glaring at him as if they'd expected him all along. The thief's eyes bug out, and he attempts a nervous laugh...

JEWEL THIEF: (Nervously) Heh-heh-huh-huh...

...Then stops as his ears catch the sound of something giving way. Curiously, he looks down and sees that what he's standing on is Generally Food Inc.'s rooftop window...and it's cracking under his considerable bulk. 

It's not long before the window cracks all the way through, and the thief topples down into the interior of Generally Food Inc. The room he lands in is filled with processing machinery and men and women dressed in lab coats, not one of whom notice him fall. They continue not to notice as the THIEF rises from the floor with a freshly-procured lab coat around his body. Before the POWERPUFFS zip in after him, the THIEF quickly removes the cap from his head, revealing a thin patch of greasy black hair. As they enter through the broken window and scan the premises, he stays perfectly still and tries desperately to look nonchalant. The other employees just go about their business without casting the POWERPUFFS so much as a glance, and the three superheroes are unable to make out their THIEF among them. At last, they give up, but not without due warning... 

BUTTERCUP: You may be able to run...!
BUBBLES: ...You may be able to hide...!
BLOSSOM: ...But we WILL meet again! 

Then it's out the way they came, their quarry uncaught amidst the oblivious mass of innocents. 

NARRATOR: Have the Powerpuff Girls actually failed to catch a thief?! Is this crook that cunning? That agile? Is this man a true master of thievery?!

Smiling anew, the THIEF delves into his lab coat's back pocket, and draws out the jewel he has endured so much to steal, kissing it lovingly on its mineralistic surface. Holding it in his hand, he strolls forward a bit before tripping on a stray pocket of air and falling to his feet; the jewel spinning out of his grip. It lands in a great steel vat, filled to the brim with children's cereal. The cereal, as it turns out, is known as 'LUCKY CAPTAIN RABBIT KING NUGGETS'; it is labeled so on the side of the vat, which, in turn, is part of a processing machine. 

JEWEL THIEF: (Freaking out) AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

The THIEF runs forward. 

NARRATOR: ...No! Just a lucky son-of-a-gun! 

Underneath the processing machine runs a conveyer belt on which sits a long line of empty cardboard cereal boxes. The boxes all pass under a hopper at the bottom of the processing machine, which dispenses a liberal amount of the cereal nuggets into each of them, one by one. 

JEWEL THIEF: AAAAAOOOOHHHHHHH! 

Unobservant as ever, the cereal employees pay no need to the howling THIEF racing toward their processing with his arms outstretched. 

JEWEL THIEF: WAAAAAAAAAHHH! 

In his slipshod haste, the THIEF carelessly smacks a passing employee to the floor with an outstretched arm. 

Finally, he arrives at the hopper itself, screaming his lungs out as a steady sandstorm of cereal continues to pour forth from its mouth. 

JEWEL THIEF: WWWWWAAAAAAHHHH!! 

When all of a sudden, quite unexpectedly, there's his jewel, nestled snugly at the top of an open box of freshly-filled cereal nuggets. 

JEWEL THIEF: (surprised) Oh! 

The JEWEL THIEF chuckles in relief...

JEWEL THIEF: Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! 

...And as he follows his jewel along the conveyer belt's path, he scolds it good-naturedly with a smile on his face and his index finger outstretched. 

JEWEL THIEF: You're a bad, bad baby! Running away from Daddy...!

He shuts his eyes and folds his arms in self-satisfaction, ignoring the warning blares of a lightbulb alarm up ahead of him.

JEWEL THIEF: ...But NOW you're safe again! 

Well, not quite. He opens his eyes too late to see the cereal box his jewel is in slip underneath a pair of clanging steel shutters and pass through to the next room over. 

JEWEL THIEF: (Distraught) AAAAAUUUUGGGH! 

Fortunately enough, the door to the shipping room, which the jewel-included cereal box has now passed into, is but a few steps away, and when the JEWEL THIEF tries the handle, he finds it unlocked. Unfortunately, however...

JEWEL THIEF: (Extremely distraught) WWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

...There are millions of Lucky Cap'n Rabbit King Nuggets cereal boxes within. Some are still on the conveyer belt, others hang in the grip of metallic pincers or sit on the shelves of risers. All of them are closed, though, so that there's no way for the THIEF to tell which of those boxes holds his jewel. Even if he could tell which was his, production is moving the boxes at such a fast speed, it isn't likely he'll be able to catch up to it. 

But our THIEF is a desperate man. Blubbering like an infant, he shoots down a set of stairs, looks about the conveyer belt, and finally decides to try his luck with the long line of pincers hanging above him. Each individual one of them carries a single box, and they roll their way down into a shadowy room beyond; our THIEF casts his eye one of these overhanging boxes and follows it into this room, which somehow leads him to be jettisoned through a series of plastic pipes. 

Further ahead in yet another room is a strange contraption set into the ceiling that expectorates the last cereal box into a bigger box marked with the 'MALPH'S' logo. When this happens, the forklift that the Malph's box has been sitting on lifts up just as the JEWEL THIEF is spat out himself. As with the rest of the employees in Generally Food, the forklift operator takes no notice of the THIEF, nor, for his part, does he try to get the operator's attention. The THIEF simply chases the forklift operator into a large Malph's truck, which shuts on both men and is driven to Malph's store, and then exits the truck to pursue the forklift operator into Malph's Receiving Garage. 

It is sometime later. Our THIEF finds himself inside the grocery store that is Malph's. Row after row of Lucky Cap'n Rabbit King Nuggets boxes stare down at him from the store's shelves, waiting to be picked up by hungry customers. 

The sight of it all has the wild-eyed THIEF leaking perspiration like an oversoaked sponge. In his distress, he lets forth with another of his loud, undignified screams... 

JEWEL THIEF: OOOOAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!! 

...Which knocks several of the cereal boxes of their shelves. One of them falls right into the JEWEL THIEF'S hands. After a second's consideration, he rips the top off the box and overturns it, letting the cereal nuggets fall straight to the store's floor. No jewel. So he tosses the emptied box aside and reaches for another, only to find that it, too, holds not so much as a decoder ring. 

On and on and on it goes, the THIEF ripping off box tops and scanning the cereal as it spills to the floor, only to find himself disappointed, box by box and shelf by shelf. Through it all, he grows ever more nervous, sweating as a man has never before sweat over children's cereal...

...Somehow, though it all, no one notices the spilled merchandise, no one arrests the JEWEL THIEF, or tries to talk to him, or even lends him a helpful, friendly Townsville hand. He is allowed to tear apart all the boxes in the store one by one, until finally, flat on his exhausted back amidst a dragon's horde of sugared cereal and discarded boxes, he finds himself miserable and jeweless, his prize perhaps lost to him forever...

...But hark! Hope spring eternal! The THIEF takes a second look at the long set of shelves he's emptied and finds that one box still remains unopened. Brightening with joy, the man springs to his feet, fingers twitching with eagerness as he reaches for the box...

...He is too slow.

PROFESSOR: WOW! The LAST ONE! This must be my LUCKY DAY! 

...Says PROFESSOR UTONIUM, tossing the cereal box into his pushcart. The JEWEL THIEF just stares after him as he pushes down the shopping aisle, not blinking. 

Soon enough, the PROFESSOR is in his car, turning the ignition key and chuckling with delight. 

PROFESSOR: (Quite pleased) Oh-ho-BOY! The Girls will sure be happy I got their FAVORITE CEREAL! 

He backs the car out of the parking space and drives off home, unaware of the treasure stored within his grocery bags...or the extra passenger who's along for the ride. 

This son-of-a-gun's luck manages to hold out for quite some more time. He keeps on the PROFESSOR'S car by latching himself desperately to the trunk's handle, managing to remain unseen by any pedestrians, commuters, or by the PROFESSOR himself, glancing through his rearview mirror, all the way from Malph's to the Utonium Residence. 

After parking, the PROFESSOR parks his car in the driveway, he and his groceries enter the house through the front door. The ever-stealthy JEWEL THIEF slinks up to one of the house's windows, and peers in. What he sees are all three of the POWERPUFFS gathered around a family room television. The PROFESSOR stands by their side, a tray of flatware, silverware, milk, and, of course, their cereal held in his hand.

PROFESSOR: (eagerly) Hey, Girls! Brought your favorite cereal!

If he'd been hoping for an enthusiastically appreciative reaction to this pronouncement, he can count himself sadly mistaken. His girls don't even bat him an eye; their glazed, zombie-like focus is currently reserved solely for the show being broadcast.

BUTTERCUP: (blank) Sssshh! 
BLOSSOM: (distant) Watching...
BUBBLES: (dull) ...T.V.

Everyone's back is turned to the THIEF, so none of them have seen him staring. That doesn't make the man any bit pleased to learn just who the residents of this house are.

JEWEL THIEF: (Absolute dismay) The POWERPUFF GIRLS?! You've gotta be kidding me! What'm I gonna DO?!

Good question. Similar complications are, in fact, taking place with the characters in the television show the girls are so avidly watching...

KOALAR: Ostrichman Prime! What're we going to do?! 

...The speaker; KOALAR, a cute little robot teddy bear who channels his worried Australian accent through a funneled mouthpiece amplifier. The speakee; OSTRICHMAN PRIME, a heroic-looking mechanized ostrich. The setting; one of many walkways outside an industrial-looking complex. Night has fallen here, and everything is rendered in high-scale computer graphics animation. 

OSTRICHMAN PRIME: We WILL fight, Koalar. 

...Says OSTRICHMAN PRIME, his useless wings flapping with resolute determination. Perhaps fearing his point hasn't emphasized clearly enough, OSTRICHMAN PRIME cranes his long, hose-like neck around to repeat that last bit, scaring his comrade back a step in the process. 

OSTRICHMAN PRIME: We WILL FIGHT!

And with that, OSTRICHMAN PRIME squats himself down on his spindly ostrich legs and backflips high into the air. While airborne, OSTRICHMAN PRIME'S stomach splits open vertically to reveal a robotic, human-shaped head with glowing green eyes and mouth. A powerful human arm draws out in a sharp fist, the fingers springing open wide before the once-ostrich's torso follows out as well. Then OSTRICHMAN PRIME draws out his other shoulder and lets that arm shoot out, however, his old ostrich head and neck springs forth in place of an accompanying hand. His two heads consider one another before fixing forward on the enemy. The metamorphosis finishes with his two metal legs folding out from his waist, and then poses heroically at the viewers as a wondrous shimmer of light shining out powerfully for that extra-cool effect.

But whatever valiant battles, daring deeds, superhuman feats, witty dialogue, malefic foes, supporting female characters or transformations by KOALAR are next in store for Our Heroes will have to wait, because...

COMMERCIAL ANNOUNCER: Mech-Animals will continue after THESE messages!

Immediately the broadcast cuts over to its commercial. Judging by the cheerily frolicsome quality of the background music as well as the professionally cartooned and incontestably cutesy set-up, it's obvious that this commercial was specifically aimed for kids of the POWERPUFFS' age in mind. 

Two children, a young boy and girl, are skating down a sunny stretch of suburban road in their rollerblades, talking to each other. Both children have pleasant smiles with perfect teeth and hair, and are wearing spotlessly clean, Mom-approved helmets and elbow pads. 

PETER: Good luck in the contest, Sally!
SALLY: Thanks! You too, Peter! 

As PETER and SALLY roll along their way, an adorable woodland creature pops his attentive self out from behind the lush, green shrubbery he was listening behind. It's LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING, himself! LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING is an older gent with a big, white handlebar mustache. He wears the regal purple ensemble of a navy commander, complete with buttons, high collar, white gloves, long, flowing red cape, scrubrush shoulderpads, and a wide admiral's hat with a crown stitched into it. Despite the dignity of his dress, there's a very clownish quality about him, which is accentuated by the comical foppishness of his voice, and the fact that he's a big, pink bunny with no pants. 

LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING: A rollerblading contest? 

Excitedly, LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING swirls around, so that he's looking at all the television viewers Out There, and jabs his thumb out towards where the contest is taking place behind him. 

LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING: That's just the sport for ME, especially when LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING NUGGETS are the grand prize! 

He turns around, to have himself another look at the prize; a box of Lucky Cap'n Rabbit King Nuggets set in the cup of a big golden trophy. On the front of the trophy is a blue ribbon with a gold number '1' stamped on it, and a pair of smiling, happy judges clad in purple standing on either side.

LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING: Oh, I can taste it NOW...!

A thought cloud suddenly appears above the kingly lucky rabbit captain's head.

LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING: Corn Crisp Castles 'N' Ships With Tuna And Ruby MARSHMALLOW BITS! 

Each of these ingredients twinkles into LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING'S thought cloud, and on the words 'marshmallow bits', his cloud bursts apart to reveal the lagomorph wearing a look of deepest, saddest yearning. 

LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING: OH, I NEED that grand PRIZE! And with THIS DISGUISE... 

...Consisting of a skater's helmet in place of his admiral's cap, elbow pads, knee pads, roller bads, but still no pants for some reason...

LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING: I'll be SURE to win the contest!!!

Such is his conviction of victory that LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING leaps high into the air, smiling and thumbing at himself.

Meanwhile, our boy PETER is doing well for himself in the contest. He rides straight down one side of the U-shaped ramp, flat up the other and spins around in midair for a groovy cool pose. 

SPORTSGOING AUDIENCE: YEAH!

Both smiles judges flash up a big number '10' sign, but from a little ways off-screen, a scoffing LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING declares...

LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING: That's NOTHING! 

...And gets their attention.

LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING: Wait until ya get a load of ME! 

...He says, flying straight up the ramp from the backside. 

LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING: Method Air! 

He grabs both his feet from behind his back with one hand while his other hand hangs out in the air. 

LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING: Rail Slide!

He slides down the rail of a staircase. 

LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING: CONE INTIMIDATION! 

His legs crisscross around a line of orange safety cones that have been placed in front o f him.

LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING: FIVE-FORTY!!!!! 

He leaps back into the air, spinning what is assumed to be a five hundred and forty degree turn. Unfortunately, this last spin of LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING accidentally has the monarch wrapped up so tight in the hem of his own royal cape, he is unable to untangle himself for more feats, and thus, crashes straight into the grand prize. 

An unseen muted trumpet sounds LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING'S defeat, as we see him with the cereal box on top of his head laying in the cup of the golden trophy, which has been toppled off from its pedestal and is broken off at its stemlike base, along with both the rollerblading judges, who are knocked out cold on the pavement.

LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING: (Dazed) Did I win??? 

Instead of answering LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING'S question, PETER takes the cereal box from off the rabbit's head and admonishes him thusly;

PETER: Ridiculous Lucky Cap'n Rabbit King! Lucky Cap'n Rabbit King Nuggets are 
for the youth!
LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING: (Still dazed) Ohh! ...okay. 

Then the scene immediately cuts over to a shot of cascading cereal nuggets as some offstage CHORUS LADIES sing this little ditty...

CHORUS LADIES: (Brightly) Corn Crisp Castles 'N' Ships! With Tuna 'N' Ruby Marshmallow Bits! 

...Before the scene cuts over again to a shot of the Lucky Cap'n Rabbit King nuggets cereal box sitting on a kitchen table beside a glass of milk and a glass of orange juice, buttered toast, two flowers in a vase and a bowl of yet more cereal. 

CHORUS LADIES: Lucky Cap'n Rabbit King Nuggets! 

At that moment, the head of LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING extends out from the cereal box his mug has been stamped on for one last word with The Viewers At Home. 

LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING: For the Irish seafaring nobleman in YOU! 
JEWEL THIEF: THAT'S IT!!!!!

...Exclaims the newly-inspired JEWEL THIEF, back in the real world. Fortunately for him, the POWERPUFFS are still too absorbed watching commercials and eating cereal to notice either the THIEF'S shouting, or his ducking back into the bushes.

Moments later, though, there's a ring at the doorbell, which the POWERPUFFS go to answer. Once they see who it is standing on their front porch, they break into wide, ebullient smiles. 

POWERPUFFS: (Screaming in delight) WWWAAAAH!!! 

It's the JEWEL THIEF, and he's now dressed himself up as LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING! He wears a full-body felt costume identical to those worn at the high-price amusement parks, giving him the fur, ears, mustache, cape, hat, the whole bit. 

JEWEL THIEF: Yup! It's MEEEEE! The character in that commercial you just saw...Lucky Cap'n...Somethin' Or Another! 

The POWERPUFF GIRLS are just over the moon to have an actual cartoon celebrity over their house, each speaking at once, stumbling over their own words as they take him into their home. 

BUTTERCUP: Oh my GOSH! Oh my GOSH, It's HIM! It's HIM! 
BUBBLES: Come in! Come in! Come in! Come in! 
BLOSSOM: Oh my GOSH! Oh my GOSH! Oh my GOSH! 

As soon as he's in their foyer, zip around the costumed JEWEL THIEF in a swirling circle, joyfully chanting his name in song to the tune of the ever-popular 'Nah-nah-nah-pooh-pooh.' 

POWERPUFFS: Lucky Cap'n Rabbit King! Lucky Cap'n Rabbit King! Lucky Cap'n Rabbit King! 

...Until the THIEF feels it necessary to stop them. 

JEWEL THIEF: Alright! Cool it down! Cool it down!

And being the good girls that they are, the POWERPUFFS obey the loveable endorsement character, staring up at their guest to see what next he has to say.

JEWEL THIEF: Now...uh, ahem...Listen up! The Captain N. Tenille has a headache!

He shows how much of a headache by slapping both hands over his fretful temple, before walking over towards the girls' cereal box placed on a table.

JEWEL THIEF: Uh...I'm just here for some cereal then I'll be on my way...! 

He reaches over for the precious box, but as before, it is roughly snatched away from him before he has it in his hands. 

BLOSSOM: (Holding box) You think we're that stupid?
BUTTERCUP: We know you have to try and trick us!
BUBBLES: Yeah! Just like in the commercials! 
BUTTERCUP: So don't come back until you've got something good!

And with that, she slams the front door in the JEWEL THIEF'S face. Just as suddenly, the doorbell rings again. BUTTERCUP does a double-take, and then re-answers the door. It's the same guy with the same costume, but speaking in a slight lower tone of voice. 

JEWEL THIEF: (Lower octave) Hey, did you guys just see my twin brother? 

Disgusted, BUTTERCUP throws the door back shut. 

BUTTERCUP: WEAK! 

So now our THIEF finds himself sitting forlornly on the Utonium Residence curbside, still decked out in his bunny outfit. 

JEWEL THIEF: (To himself) MAN! This is gonna be harder than I thought! I can't come UP with any more tricks! This rabbit suit is all I got! 

But once again, in his moment of perplexity, fortune shows him a way in the form of a bypassing older woman in glasses. 

ELDERLY BABYSITTER: (To herself) Oh, babysitting is so rewarding! 

The JEWEL THIEF stares after this white-haired old woman, who hasn't noticed him at all. He gets up off the curb...

...A while later, in the Utonium kitchen, BLOSSOM, BUBBLES, and BUTTERCUP are sitting at the table munching on more of their favorite cereal, when suddenly, they hear the sound of the back door opening, and a dopey-sounding matronly male falsetto. 

JEWEL THIEF: Yoo-hoo! Girls! 

The girls look up and see...

JEWEL THIEF: Your new Grandma Babysitter is here! 

...For his newest masquerade, 'Grandma Babysitter' has the exact same dress, glasses, lipstick, even hair of the ELDERLY BABYSITTER who is, no doubt, probably in need of some very serious aide right about now. The JEWEL THIEF sits himself at the POWERPUFFS' table, right next to the cereal box. 

However, the POWERPUFFS are quick to note that there are, shall we say, certain discernable flaws in the JEWEL THIEF'S disguise. 

BUBBLES: (judiciously) Gee, Grandma Babysitter, what big eyes you have!
JEWEL THIEF: All the better to see this cereal! 

...He tells her, putting his arm around its box, and drawing it a half-inch closer to him.

BUTTERCUP: (sounding irritated) Gee, Grandma Babysitter, what an interesting mustache you have!

JEWEL THIEF: All the better to keep this cereal in my mouth! 

...He assures her, drawing the box another half-inch closer to him.

BLOSSOM: (not fooled at all) Gee, Grandma Babysitter, you sure do have big rabbit ears!
JEWEL THIEF: (putting both hands on box) ...All the better to...!

...But before 'Grandma Babysitter' can take the goods and run, the POWERPUFFS send the phony hurtling through a window, and he smunches headfirst on the driveway. From behind him, the POWERPUFFS, who have all watched enough cereal commercials to know what's expected of them at this point, chirrup this happy catchphrase in his still-ringing ears. 

POWERPUFFS: RIDICULOUS LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING! LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING NUGGETS ARE FOR THE YOUTH! 

Trounced he might be, the THIEF is still hungry for his jewel, so he skulks in the shadows and bides his time. It's just as well, since the POWERPUFFS are still just as hungry for their cereal, so the campaign rages on. The THIEF follows the POWERPUFFS out to their garden, pushing aside a set of rosebushes to see that the girls have set themselves up on the patio table. 

BLOSSOM: It sure is nice to eat in the garden for a change!

What that, BLOSSOM and her sisters start digging into their bowls, every bite bringing them that much closer to the most valuable prize in cereal box history. The JEWEL THIEF, though, find himself darkly amused.

JEWEL THIEF: (To himself) A garden party! How precious...!

Withdrawing now from his spying, the THIEF heads over to the Utonium driveway, where a newcomer is unloading gardening equipment from his trunk. The van is marked 'MR. PHAN'S GARDENS', and its driver, a middle-aged Asian chap in spectacles and a fedora, does not see the menacing figure in the cereal commercial costume bear down on his unprotected self until it is too late.

Shortly afterward, BLOSSOM spots a familiar figure out on their lawn, behind the wheel of a riding mower. It's our JEWEL THIEF, but BLOSSOM can't tell behind his spectacles and fedora! 

BLOSSOM: Hey, there goes Mr. Phan, our gardener! 

She waves to him, and he stops his lawnmower. 

BLOSSOM: Hello, Mr. Phan! 
JEWEL THIEF: Good morning, Blossom! 

Then the JEWEL THIEF takes his fedora off his admiral's cap, and starts phanning himself with it.

JEWEL THIEF: All this gardening stuff makes me thirsty for some of that delicious cereal you're eating! 
BUTTERCUP: Well, throw that bad boy in reverse and come have some!

The THIEF needs no further prompting that that display of hardcore hospitality. Pinching his index finger and thumb together in circular 'O-kay' gesture, he says...

JEWEL THIEF: You've got it, partner! 

...Unluckily for him, our JEWEL THIEF didn't think to take a cue from his cartoonish counterpart and see that his cape didn't get in the way. In fact, the end of its white, downy bottom dangles right over the lawnmower's rear wheels, so when the THIEF shifts it into 'reverse' mode he chokes as his cape is pulled back by the wheels and is fed into the blades at the lawnmower's bas, and the POWERPUFFS watch in shock as... 

JEWEL THIEF: (Choking and in pain) AAAAAUGGGH! AAAAH!! AAAH!! 

The girls gather around him in concern.

BLOSSOM: Mr. Phan!
BUTTERCUP: Are you...? 
BUBBLES: ...Okay? 

Fortuitously enough, the LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING costume our THIEF'S wearing under his Mr. Phan disguise has enough fabric and fluff to clog up the mower blades into uselessness. However, his admiral's hat now has a big rip down its front, exposing its fluffy innards, and the THIEF, himself, looks to have been knocked cross-eyed. It is then they all realize...

BLOSSOM: Wait a minute! You're not Mr. Phan! 

The POWERPUFFS stare down at him with a touch of ill temper, before all brightening into smiles, remembering that it is the...

BLOSSOM: Ridiculous Lucky Cap'n Rabbit King! 

...That they are dealing with, and that no matter how many times his ludicrous plans go awry and people remind him that...

BLOSSOM: Lucky Cap'n Rabbit King Nuggets are for the youth!

...he'll never learn his lesson or get any closer to his goal.

However, the day is still young and there's still much cereal to be eaten, so the POWERPUFFS move back into their house. The THIEF, meanwhile, takes a temporary leave and comes back wearing a new Halloween costume; that of a furry orange monster with red horns.

JEWEL THIEF: This has got to work! 

Inside, the GIRLS are enjoying more cereal on top of one of their house's tables. Behind them is a window, which the JEWEL THIEF approaches up from. He sets a miniature skyscraper flat model on their windowsill, and stands up over it, so that it looks like yet another giant monster is waging destruction on downtown Townsville. He adds the finishing touches by waving his arms around and going...

JEWEL THIEF: Roar! Roar! 

Perhaps he intended that the girls peer through the window, mistake the paper maché model for the real thing, and fly straight for there, giving him ample opportunity to sneak in the house and snag their untended cereal box. It doesn't work like that. The moment the JEWEL THIEF starts roaring, it triggers the POWERPUFFS' eyes to snap open wide as all their superheroic conditioned reactions starts kicking in. Then they smash through the windowpane and pummel the JEWEL THIEF silly, not stopping until his monster costume's head sails off from his body.

BLOSSOM: (Victorious) Another one bites the dust! 

Then she and her sisters look down and sees that the thing they've standing so triumphantly over is the ravaged admiral's hat of LUCKY CAP'N RABBIT KING, smiling vacantly on the ground in a pugilistic stupor. The girls grin as if they've not had so much fun for time out of mind. 

BLOSSOM: Ridiculous Lucky Cap'n Rabbit King! Lucky Cap'n Rabbit King Nuggets are for the youth!

With that false alarm thwarted, the girls return to the house to chow down on their fifth serving of that one cereal in this one day...because nobody said superheroing isn't hungry work! And our JEWEL THIEF, of course, is outside, already implementing his latest brilliant scheme. Apparently competing against Princess Morbucks for the highest number of costume changes, our THIEF is now outfitted as none other than Santa Claus, himself. 

The first step of his plan involves sprinkling a box of soap flakes over another window where the POWERPUFFS are eating inside, so that it somewhat looks like it's snowing. The thing is, the POWERPUFFS are eating with their backs towards the 'snow', so they don't even see in. Nonetheless, the JEWEL THIEF is able to empty the box of soap flakes out without any more injury to his person, chuckling bemusedly to himself when he finishes. 

Then 'Santa' runs around to the other side of the house where the Utonium family garbage cans sit. He climbs on top one of their lids, jumps up, grabs the rooftop, struggles a bit to hoist himself all the way up, and fails, falling back down, pushing the garbage can lid in with his bulk, lodging himself inside the garbage can in the process, and toppling over on one side. 

So then, he erects a shaky 'pyramid' of empty garbage cans; a row of four cans below a row of three cans, below that of two cans, and finally, one single can at the center summit, on which our JEWEL THIEF has managed to climb himself all the way on to. He stands there, unsteadily, his hastily-constructed pyramid quivering underneath, the Utoniums' rooftop quite a long leap to the side...and then it all comes crashing down, with him lodging headfirst into another closed can. 

Next, our JEWEL THIEF procures a trampoline, which he sets on the front lawn. After a number of preliminary bounces, the moment of truth arrives, and he makes his move...only he bounds over the Utonium rooftop and lands painfully inside another trash can.

Through playing around now, the JEWEL THIEF flies to the rooftop on his helicopter, goes over, and peers down the chimney flue. A not-so-friendly woodland creature, who'd been using that chimney as his home, leaps out from its mouth and latches himself onto the THIEF'S face, biting and snarling all the while. 

CHIMNEY SQUIRREL: REEEEEE--EEEEE!! 

The JEWEL THIEF is freaked out of his mind.

JEWEL THIEF: AAUGGGH! AAAH!! AAAH! AAAAAAAHHH!! GET IT OFF! 

He stumbles about the rooftop in a backwards-stepping circle, screaming in sheer panic and trying to... 

JEWEL THIEF: GIT IT OFF GIT IT OFF...! 

...Before taking one step back too many and crashing down to the ground below.

JEWEL THIEF: (Falling) GITOFFGITITOOOaaaauugghhh!

Not to worry, though! He just uses his spare helicopter to land back on the roof! Once back on the Utonium roof, with the chimney now free of squirrels, the JEWEL THIEF clasps his hands together and dives into the chimney.

JEWEL THIEF: (Struggling) NNGGH! GEEEHH! GRRWH! EEE! 

But he's just too fat to fall through! And what's more is this; struggle as he might, the JEWEL THIEF is unable to dislodge himself from the chimney now that's he's in it! Totally without options, all his disguises and helicopters unable to help him, he just cries his heart out. 

Eventually, much, much later that night, a rescue team is called out and helps bring him down. At this point, the Utonium front yard is packed with police cruisers, an ambulance and fire truck, and hundreds of curious townspeople. 

The POWERPUFF GIRLS are here, too, standing before the jolly old elf that'd been blocking up their chimney. Her beloved box of Lucky Cap'n Rabbit King Nuggets clasped in her hands, BUBBLES demands to know... 

BUBBLES: Santa, are you crazy?! It's SUMMER!
JEWEL THIEF: I'm not Santa...

Says the JEWEL THIEF, speaking in a slightly sinister undertone before ripping the red nightcap with the pom-pom on the end, revealing the tattered admiral's cap underneath. 

JEWEL THIEF: I'm Lucky Cap'n Rabbit King! 

The JEWEL THIEF proclaims in a voice as merrily buoyant as any parade leader. Then his mood takes an entirely different swing; now he is the epitome of all miserable, despondent dejection. 

JEWEL THIEF: (Wretchedly) All I wanted was some CEREAL! 

Then, casting all dignity aside, he buries his face in his hands and breaks out into hot, blubbery tears in front of all the people surrounding him. 

JEWEL THIEF: (Blubbering) Waaa-ha-ha-haaahh! All I WANTED was some CEREAL!!!! 

BUBBLES' eyes move slowly between the poor, sad little bunny rabbit crying so unhappily before her to the box of cereal she holds in her hands. For the first time, she considers just how long someone like Lucky Cap'n Rabbit King has been questing after his namesake cereal, only to be denied, time and again, by the cruel human children who kept it all for themselves. At last, coming to a momentous decision, she holds out her box for the hungry mascot. 

JEWEL THIEF: Ye...You really mean it?! 

She smiles kindly and nods. The JEWEL THIEF takes it from her reverently. 

JEWEL THIEF: (Jubilantly) OH! Sweetest of Cereals, you are FINALLY MINE!!!

And then, at his moment of triumph, he undoes it all by ripping off his rabbit mask from his face. Gasping in surprise, the POWERPUFFS recognize him as the same JEWEL THIEF they'd cased the previous night.

But the JEWEL THIEF is smiling in exultant elation. The punishment he suffered over the fast two days might've helped scramble his brains a bit, but he no longer really seems aware of the other people, or the police, or the POWERPUFFS, only the precious, precious cereal he has at last. Amazingly, there's still some left in there to dump into his moth.

JEWEL THIEF: (Eating it) OH! The CORN CRISP CASTLES 'N' SHIPS!!!!! 

Breathing heavily and lips smacking hard, he shakes some more into his mouth, each bite sending him floating on a cloud of highest ecstasy. 

JEWEL THIEF: Oh-ho-HO!! The tuna and ruby marshmallow bits!!!!

He says this last in almost a whisper, before bringing the box back up....
JEWEL THIEF: (Rapturously) Oh-ho-ho-ho!

And as he finally finishes off the very last of the cereal, his jewel at lasts falls into his mouth with a very visible and audible 'POP!'
BLOSSOM glowers at the JEWEL THIEF forebodingly, her sisters right behind her. 

BLOSSOM: (Not friendly) Whatcha got there, Rabbit? 
JEWEL THIEF: (Mouth full of jewel) Nuffin'! 

He's not fooling anybody, though, the big-carat treasure sticks his cheek out at a sharp, pointed angle. The POWERPUFFS zip in, exacting the punishment so long delayed. BLOSSOM and BUTTERCUP loosen the THIEF up with a jab to the chin and an uppercut to the jaw, BUBBLES nails him in the back with her feet, finally, they join together for the finishing move; a heavy punch to his gut which forces the jewel out faster than you could say 'Heimlich Maneuver.' BLOSSOM easily flies over and catches it in her hand before it hits the ground.

Then it's one more punch, and the JEWEL THIEF'S embedded halfway in the roof of a police cruiser, and carted off to the big house. 

BLOSSOM: Stupid Unlucky Captured Robber Dude! JAIL is for YOU! 

The Flashing Heart Logo Flashes Its Hearts.

NARRATOR: So, Once Again, The Day Is Saved Thanks To... Green Buttercups! Blue Bubbles and Pink Blossoms! The Powerpuff Girls! Part of this delicious, nutritious breakfast!

T H E  E N D