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Therapy |
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transcribed by Louis Badalament II (lb140900@ohio.edu)
Somewhere in The City of Townsville is a building with a wooden door. Attached this wooden door is a brass plate with 'The City of Townsville' engraved upon it. Somewhat let glamorously written are the words 'Anger Management Group,' on a piece of white paper taped on the door's window. Also, on the door is, predictably enough, a doorknob. At this very moment in time when this account begins, the fluctuating arm-appendage of BOSSMAN AMOEBA is turning this very knob on this very door, and entering into the room.
The room is both clean and spacious, but not as well-lit as it perhaps could have been, and only holds a few simple furnishings; a green rug on the floor, some windows, uninteresting for the most part except for two features. One is a portable green chalkboard that displays the POWERPUFF GIRLS in heroic poise, drawn skillfully with chalk. The words 'You Can Always Walk Away' are chalked above this drawing. There is also a set of wooden chairs arranged facing each other in a small circle on the rug.
BOSSMAN has come a little late. The well-needed therapy session is already in full swing, and all the other members of the Anger Management Group have already taken their seats. For those familiar with the City of Townsville, there are a lot of recognizable faces.
There's the manipulative HIM, the overindulged PRINCESS MORBUCKS, the kleptomaniacal SEDUSA, the territorial FUZZY LUMKINS, the uncompromisingly antagonistic MOJO JOJO, even the monochromal MISTER MIME, oddly enough.
But those wrongdoers who do wrong in gangs are strangely fragmented. Of the GANGRENE GANG, for instance, only ACE, BIG BILLY, and LIL' ARTURO are present, even with the AMOEBA BOYS, JUNIOR and BOSSMAN are present, but SKINNY AMOEBA is nowhere to be seen.
As would well be expected, there is also a THERAPIST seated in one of the chairs, a pleasant-looking young man with balding brown hair dressed in casual clothing. Underneath his unbuttoned button-down gray shirt, he has a T-shirt on with 'RELAX' written in big, black capital letters.
When BOSSMAN enters the room, the THERAPIST is telling his patients in a soothing, therapeutic voice...
THERAPIST: We're here to take control of our anger. Let's start with a little role-playing.
Pointing first to himself, and then to MOJO JOJO, who sits across from him, the THERAPIST says,
THERAPIST: I'll be you, you be a Powerpuff Girl.
HIM, who sits adjacent to the THERAPIST on the man's right, leans forward on the edge of his seat, smiling a smile of malicious interest. The THERAPIST tilts his head at a friendly angle, and says, in a most un-MOJO JOJO-like way,
THERAPIST: (As MOJO JOJO) Hello, Bubbles!
MOJO JOJO does a better impersonation job than the THERAPIST. He stands on top of his chair, balancing up and down on one foot to mimic BUBBLES' hovering. When he returns the THERAPIST'S greeting, it is in an exaggerated cute falsetto.
MOJO JOJO: (As BUBBLES) Hewwo, Mistah Moe-Joe!
This contemptuous caricature cheers MOJO JOJO'S fellow Anger Management groupies to various degrees. FUZZY LUMKINS just smiles, SEDUSA throws her head back and laughs...
SEDUSA: Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
...While PRINCESS MORBUCKS just snickers slightly.
PRINCESS: Ha!
THERAPIST: (Somewhat slowly) I'm...sensing some hostility. Why are you so upset?
MOJO JOJO: (Angrily) I go to the Mini Mart, I see THIS!
MOJO JOJO holds out a plastic keychain that sports a small laminated picture of his own snarling face dangling down from the center of the keychian ring. All the other VILLAINS look completely and sincerely sympathetic with MOJO JOJO'S plight.
MOJO JOJO: (Resentfully) Does anyone ask Mojo's permission? No! Does Mojo make any money? No!
This speech is really riling up the other VILLAINS. They all gain spiteful malicious looks on their faces, and look ready to jump out of their seats when MOJO JOJO raises both his arms in the air and snarls,
MOJO JOJO: POWERPUFF GIRLS TAKE EVERYTHING!!!!
THERAPIST: (Quickly) Calm down.
MOJO JOJO sits down sulkily.
MOJO JOJO: (Peevish) We'll see how calm you are when I destroy the world!
HIM: (Interested but unobtrusive) Hmm!
THERAPIST: Let's do a little perspective check! Mojo's upset over a keychain...
The THERAPIST'S patients are all in concurrence with this...
ACE: Yeah.
THERAPIST: ...Now he wants to destroy the world. Is that reasonable?
ACE certainly thinks so.
ACE: Sounds reasonable!
He says it to BIG BILLY in his most composed, unpretentious tone of voice. Around the room like-minded remarks such as 'Yeah!' are voiced, with others just nodding their heads. The verdict seems to be unanimous; the desire for Earth's obliteration is the most rational reaction a person can have when suffering from Keychain Anger. Inside of challenging this attitude, the THERAPIST decides to take a different approach.
THERAPIST: Who here wants to destroy the world?
He demonstrates raising his hand to show that those among them who want global destruction are to do likewise. One by one, all of them do so. The THERAPIST sighs, and tries to remind them what it is they're trying to do here in the first place.
THERAPIST: What are we here to take control of?
That's an easy one.
VILLIANS: THE UNIVERSE!!!!!
THERAPIST: NO! Our emotions, our anger, so let's take all our anger...
With his hands, the THERAPIST pantomimes compressing a piece of paper into a tight little wad.
THERAPIST: ...And put it in a little ball...
The VILLAINS follow the THERAPIST'S example, scrunching up their 'anger' into tight 'balls'. It looks like really strenuous work, some of them are even groaning with effort.
THERAPIST: (Tranquilly) ...And let it go. Release your anger!
They release it...but in a very physical way that the THERAPIST would probably not have preferred. He has to duck as one of the VILLAINS hurls a chair straight into the chalkboard with the POWERPUFFS drawn on the, sending it down nosily to the floor. The rest is just pandemonium as the VILLAINS work out the rest of their aggression in a no-holds-barred, every-man-for-himself grudge attack.
As FUZZY LUMKINS shuts the door, we see that a new piece of paper has been taped on the door. in place of 'Anger Management Group,' it has the Cartoon Network's checkerboard logo, and a message read off by a helpful, unseen ANNOUNCER, which says that...
ANNOUNCER: Cartoon Network...
Is
ANNOUNCER: ...The Best Place For Cartoons.
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