Geshundfight

transcribed by Louis Badalament II (lb140900@ohio.edu)

It's another bright morning in...

NARRATOR: The City of Townsville! A place filled with some of the most brilliant, clever and ingenious criminal masterminds ever to hatch an evil scheme! ...Then there's the Amoeba Boys. 

At the base of a tall-standing prison compound crammed with menacing-looking convicts is a FRUIT VENDOR at his stall, as well as the aforementioned AMOEBA BOYS. The AMOEBAS are impossible to miss; all three are blue, semi-transparent, man-sized protozoans, with nonsolid bodies that fluctuate fluidly, even as they stand still on the pavement. Unlike their microscopic counterparts, these AMOEBAS all have facials features, specifically, eyes, eyebrows, and a mouth.

The three of them are JUNIOR, SKINNY, and BOSSMAN. JUNIOR seems to be the youngest, he is Powerpuff-sized and wears a black cap, on what, for the sake of convenience, will be called his head. SKINNY is the tallest, and wears a brown fedora. BOSSMAN, looks to be the oldest of the trio, he has a gray fedora. Beyond these hats, none of the AMOEBA BOYS boast anything in the way of clothing.

At this particular moment, all three of the AMOEBAS are standing before an orange stall. The AMEOBA BOYS are trying their best to appear inconspicuous, not saying a word to the fruit vendor, or even making eye contact with him or his fruit. The VENDOR, for his part, with his elbows on the top of his stall and his head cradled in his hand looks bored out of his mind, and when the three of them dash into the nearest alleyway after SKINNY snatches an arm out at his stall, he doesn't even protest.

The AMOEBAS then peek out from behind the corner of the alley. Once they determine that nobody's coming to get them, the one known as BOSSMAN lets out a triumphant laugh. 

BOSSMAN: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! We did it! We're official criminals!
JUNIOR: Yeah, criminals! 
SKINNY: Hee, hee...yeah!

Though all three of the AMOEBAS are in high enough spirits, SKINNY seems a little uncomfortable. 

BOSSMAN: (animated) So, c'mon, let's see it! 
JUNIOR: Yeah, see it! 
SKINNY: (Uneasily) Duh...see it? 
BOSSMAN: Yeah, the orange! Let's see the orange! 
JUNIOR: Yeah, da orange! 
SKINNY: Oh...that.

It is here that a frown creases BOSSMAN'S face.

BOSSMAN: Yes, that, the orange, the fruit that you stole just now!! Let's SEE IT!! 
SKINNY: (evasively) Heh...whaddaya want to see that for? 
BOSSMAN: Produce the produce!
SKINNY: Uh...
BOSSMAN: You didn't take it, did ya?!
JUNIOR: He didn't take it, Boss!!
SKINNY: (defensively) Well I was going to but...that would be stealing!

BOSSMAN doesn't take too well to this development...

BOSSMAN: DAAH!! That's it!

...and really gets into SKINNY'S face when he tells him...

BOSSMAN: I spent months planning that orange heist and you go and choke the last minute! Don't you have any backbone, you?!...

But BOSSMAN'S train of thought is interrupted by something he hears above him.

BOSSMAN: LISTEN! ...Ooh, that can only mean one THING!

They lift their eyes upwards and spot the POWERPUFF GIRLS in flight directly overhead.

BOSSMAN: Now's our chance to get in REAL trouble!

He waves an arm about and calls out to them.

BOSSMAN: Hey, Powerpuff Goils!

Solicitous as always, the POWERPUFFS land in the alley, looking fresh and ready for anything the AMOEBA BOYS would bring to their attention.

BLOSSOM: (Brightly) What?

But as one might expect from a guy who needs months of brainwork to plan out the snatching of an orange from a curbside merchant, BOSSMAN isn't too good concocting tactics on the spot, and is left stumbling for words...

BOSSMAN: Uh...yeah, um...duh, um...

Until he looks down and happens to spot...

BOSSMAN: AHA! Check it out!

...A single sheet of paper that he lifts up, holding it in the air so the POWERPUFFS can get a good look, before letting it fall at BLOSSOM'S feet. She looks at the paper, then at BOSSMAN, not understanding what this gesture is supposed to mean.

BOSSMAN: LITTERING.
BLOSSOM: Sorry, guys! You're gonna have to do better than that. C'mon, girls, let's go.

When BLOSSOM starts to turn around, BOSSMAN gets a panicked look in his eyes.

BOSSMAN: NO! WAIT! So ya wanna see a crime, huh?
BLOSSOM: Huh? 
BOSSMAN: A real crime? 
BLOSSOM: (indifferently) Yeah, sure, okay. 
BUBBLES: Sounds fun! 
BUTTERCUP: (rolling her eyes) Oh, brother!
BOSSMAN: Come on, then!

He says, leading them to...

NARRATOR: Townsville Park! A clean place for clean folks to have good, clean fun!

Among its other features, Townsville Park features a waste bin; at this time, the bin looks almost full. BOSSMAN seizes the first piece of trash at hand, another piece of paper, as it turns out, and rebelliously lets it plummet to BLOSSOM'S feet. Again BLOSSOM stares at BOSSMAN with incomprehension, again he explains...

BOSSMAN: LITTERIN'!
BLOSSOM: Oh, brother. Look, guys, we've gotta go! 

The three sisters rocket off in the blink of an eye, leaving BOSSMAN to call after them...

BOSSMAN: NO! WAIT! COME BACK, DON'T GO!!
JUNIOR: Yeah! Don't go!

It takes them a few seconds for them to accept that they've lost their audience. Dejectedly, the AMOEBA BOYS move along, bodies slumped over, eyes on the ground. Not the best recipe for avoiding collisions, and for the AMOEBA BOYS, it its only mere moments before all three of them smack headlong into the first thing that crosses their path; a wooden sign posted up on the lawn. But when they look up, and read the sign, they stop dead in their tracks.

BOSSMAN: (Keyed Up) Don't move, ya mugs! This could be it! The crime of the century!

KEEP OFF THE GRASS. Reads the sign; and like the hardened wrongdoers that they are; the AMOEBA BOYS set to disobeying it at once; positioning themselves right beside the sign for all of Townsville to witness, looks of smug defiance plastered on their faces. Curiously enough, the POWERPUFF GIRLS aren't sent for to end the AMOEBAS' heinous misdeed, nor is the S.W.A.T. team summoned when it starts raining later that day, and the AMOEBA BOYS are still where they're not wanted. Their nefarious loitering campaign continues through the night, as does the downpour, but still none of the police are alerted, though at this point the AMEOBA BOYS are fast asleep.

By the time morning arrives, no one has passed the AMOEBA BOYS so much as a dirty look, though they haven't moved an inch at all. But something happened to the AMOEBA BOYS while they were 'asleep on their feet' during the night. Their normally blue features have changed to a spotted pus-green color, and the whites of their eyes are now pink. A phlegmy sneeze from SKINNY awakens them; they all look quite under the weather, and when they talk, their voices sound as if they are clogged with mucus.

SKINNY: (weary) Are we in jail yet?
BOSSMAN: (grumpy) Shaddup, schtupid! 
JUNIOR: Yeah. Shaddup.

Finally accepting the fruitlessness of this pathetic attempt at crime, they slide on along. They look more miserable and their bodies are drooping closer to the ground than ever before.

SKINNY: Hey, boss...I don't feel so good. Huh...huh...WAH-CHOO!!
BOSSMAN: Geshundheit.
JUNIOR: Yeah, geshundheit.

After this sentiment is stated, the AMOEBAS continue forward. But interestingly enough, the place where SKINNY sneezed is at the same stall of the same man he didn't steal an orange from, today this man is selling apples. Residue from the sneeze floats into the air over the FRUIT VENDOR in a misty yellow cloud, he looks up, and makes the mistake of breathing it in. Instantly the peachy tone of his Caucasian skin fades to the same shade of sickly green the AMOEBA BOYS had changed to, his eyes pinken, and also, curiously enough, his hair color changes from black to brown. He shivers violently for a second, sniffles, and then...

FRUIT VENDOR: Ha...HA...HA-CHOO!!!

...sneezes all over his produce. A bright-eyed young man dressed in a blue business suit passes by the FRUIT VENDOR, snatches an apple from his cart, without paying the VENDOR, it should be noted, and bites in. He pays for his crime with his health in the next second when the sickness takes full effect. 

The apple drops from his hand, and he moves on laggardly, until he has joined up with a small crowd of townsfolk waiting at a bus stop. He sneezes, and then the bus arrives soon after while he's staring at his watch. The people load up and the bus drives off in great haste, but by the time the bus unloads at its next stop, every one of the passengers has been infected. Coughing and sneezing, the crowd disperses through the city on their own private business, infecting an ICE CREAM SELLER behind the wheel of an ice cream truck just bypassing him. Coughing and already looking fatigued, the ICE CREAM SELLER drives on his route, passing the MAYOR'S office as he goes.

The office is a scene of bedlam. The MAYOR is at his desk with two phones on either side of him, and two extra phones on the floor. Every one of them is ringing madly. The MAYOR is holding two receivers in both hands at once, and having himself a very hard time first answering one...

MAYOR: Hello? Ha...what? You can't come in...you're sick?

...And then the other...

MAYOR: What? Hello? You're sick, too? You can't come in?

...Back and forth...

MAYOR: Hello? Eh yeah...what?! You're sick?!

...Finally knocking both the phones off his desk in pure frustration.

MAYOR: SICK, SICK, EVERYONE'S SICK! Oh! Miss Bellum! Thank goodness you're here!

SARA BELLUM walks up to the MAYOR. He doesn't seem aware how spotted and discolored his assistant's skin has become.

MAYOR: The whole town is sick, you got to do something! 
BELLUM: Hah...HAH-CHOO!!!!

She sneezes, spraying all over the MAYOR before collapsing in a dead faint.

MAYOR: D'oh. Rrah-rrah-RRAH-CHOO!!!!

And as his hat bends out of shape while his body discolors the MAYOR realizes that...

MAYOR: Now I've got it too. There's only one thing to do!

His eyes drift to a certain telephone. Unlike the others, it is a fair distance apart from the ones crowding him now, set on a pedestal underneath a glass lid, a happy clown face where other phones would have numbers.

Moments later within the Pokey Oaks Kindergarten establishment, the nose of the Powerpuff Hotline phone buzzes and flashes red.

BLOSSOM: I'll get it!

She says, floating up from the table where moments before she'd been coloring with BUTTERCUP and BUBBLES, and dashing off in a violent burst of speed that whips the hair of her sisters.

BLOSSOM: (Answering Hotline) Yes, Mayor? What's the trouble? Huh? You're sick? Well, that's too bad, Mr. Mayor, but it doesn't sound like an emergency. Now, tell everyone to get lots of rest and drink plenty of liquids. And ONLY call when there's a REAL emergency! Remember: The Hotline is not a toy.

BLOSSOM places the receiver back on its cradle, and zips back into her chair in the same lightning rush she'd left from. BUBBLES and BUTTERCUP fix BLOSSOM with a disapproving frown, but before they can tell her off, the classroom is filled with the sound of a tinkling melody from outside, and they freeze up, as do all of their classmates, who stiffen up right in the middle of their playing. They recognize it at once as the tune coming from trucks that carry...

KINDERGARTENERS: ICE CREAM!!!

And stampede out of the classroom in a flurry of excitement. Their teacher is lucky not to get trampled. They gather along the freeway, cheering and calling out to the truck driver as he draws nearer to them. But the ICE CREAM SELLER is in no shape to be selling ice cream, or driving his truck, or anything else for that matter. His body shudders, he opens his mouth...

ICE CREAM SELLER: Haw-HAW-CHOOO!!!!

And crashes, fortunately enough, without hitting anybody. His collapses out of his broken windshield...

ICE CREAM SELLER: Uunhh!

...And sneezes again...

ICE CREAM SELLER: AH-CHOOO!!!
POWERPUFFS: Eeeeuu!!

...covering the POWERPUFFS in his snot.

BLOSSOM: Maybe the Mayor wasn't kidding! Let's go!

They zip into the sky. Their classmates rejoice; with the ICE CREAM SELLER completely out of commission, they can have all their wares for themselves.

KINDERGARTENERS: ICE CREAM!!! ICE CREAM!!! ICE CREAM!!!

High in the air over Townsville downtown, BUTTERCUP is the first to spot something amiss.

BUTTERCUP: (Pointing) Uh oh! Look!

Below the POWERPUFFS is a long stretch of road littered with crashed vehicles and people who are just laying on the open highway. 

BUBBLES: Everybody's sleeping!
BLOSSOM: No, Bubbles! There's been an outbreak of some terrible disease!

They take a good look. And don't like what they see.

BLOSSOM: We've gotta help these people! Let's move!

They spread themselves out. As BLOSSOM drags out one of the epidemic victims, an acquaintance of hers makes his presence known.

BOSSMAN: Hey, Blossom!

He coughs...

BOSSMAN: Come watch us do a crime!

...sneezes,...

BLOSSOM: Not now, guys!

...And tries his luck with another sister, who at the moment is lifting up a car so she can get at the man laying underneath.

BOSSMAN: Uh...Bubbles! Come watch us do a cr...eee-CEYYAHH!...crime!

She drops the car, turns around and tells the AMOEBA BOYS, quite candidly...

BUBBLES: Sorry, guys! I gotta go save people 'n' stuff! 

As the AMOEBA BOYS leave, BUBBLES says...

BUBBLES: Oops! 

...When she realizes she's dropped the car right back on the mad. BOSSMAN and his cronies next approach BUTTERCUP, who's timing a victim's pulse with a wristwatch.

BOSSMAN: Hey, Buttercup!...
BUTTERCUP: Buzz off, guys!

Back to BLOSSOM, who's zipping low with a big pile of victims on her shoulders, when all of the AMOEBA BOYS spring up before her quite suddenly.

BOSSMAN: Okay! We've got a crime! Watch! Uh...
BLOSSOM: (Now irritated) Cut it out, guys! Not now!

She zips around them. The AMOEBAS, bumbling though they may be, are not giving up on this wonderful chance to make a name for themselves. None of them catch onto the fact that the POWERPUFFS don't appreciate their persistence one little bit.

BOSSMAN: (To BUTTERCUP) How 'bout now? 
BOSSMAN: (To BUBBLES) Hey, c'mon, now? 
JUNIOR: Now?
SKINNY: Now?
JUNIOR: Now? 
BOSSMAN: Now? 
SKINNY: Now?
JUNIOR: Now? 
BOSSMAN: Now?
SKINNY: Now?
BUTTERCUP: Will you guys SHUT UP?!?!

The AMOEBAS cringe away from BUTTERCUP as she continues her tirade, flattening themselves on the pavement into one gooey, six-eyed, three-hatted puddle of infection and ineptitude.

BUTTERCUP: YOU THREE ARE THE LOUSIEST, MOST PATHETIC CRIMINALS EVER TO WALK THE STREETS!!! YOU STINK!!! WE DON'T EVER WANNA SEE YOU AGAIN!!! GET OUTTA TOWN! DON'T EVER COME BACK! GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!!!!!

The AMOEBA BOYS scat. BUTTERCUP'S sisters approach her, gawking in astonishment.

BLOSSOM & BUBBLES: BUTTERCUP!
BUTTERCUP: Well, uh...they made me mad! 

She coughs.

BUTTERCUP: ...And they got me sick, too.

Then BLOSSOM coughs.

BLOSSOM: Yeah. I think I caught it too. 
BUBBLES: Me too. 
BUBBLES & BLOSSOM: Wah-CHOO!!! 
BLOSSOM: We'd better go see the Professor!

And they fly off back towards their home.

NARRATOR: Hurry, Girls! HURRY!

And then our NARRATOR breaks out in a fit of coughing. When they arrive, the POWERPUFFS smash the house, straight into the basement laboratory, landing right next to the PROFESSOR. When they had just realized that they were sick, the POWERPUFFS did not turn a funny color immediately as did their neighbors, but now at this point, they are every bit as drained discolored as every other person in Townsville.

BLOSSOM: Professor...gla-huck!...Professor, the whole town is!...

He turns around, spotted, somnolent, and with a thin trickle of yellowish drool undetected at his lips.

PROFESSOR: Sick. I know. I'm already working on it.

He drags himself forward to a microscope, as his GIRLS follow behind him.

PROFESSOR: I've managed to isolate the virus, but it doesn't conform to any virus ever documented, I believe it's a new strain. Have a look.

BLOSSOM does. Through the microscope's intense magnification, she can see what look like minuscule duplicates of BOSSMAN AMOEBA, gray fedora and all, which laugh at her nastily.

VIRAL CULTURE: HEE-HAW-HAW-HAW-HA!

She looks back at her PROFESSOR.

BLOSSOM: Professor, those look just like the Amoeba Boys! 
PROFESSOR: The Amoeba Boys? Hmmm, I wonder if...now this is only a hunch, but...suppose the Amoeba Boys were standing in the park next to a 'Keep Off The Grass' sign in an attempt to break the law, when a storm rolled in, now suppose they stood in the rain all night and caught a cold. That cold could mix with their single-celled anatomy to create a devastating new virus that could then infect all of Townsville! ...Of course, that's only a hunch. 

He lowers himself down a little to address his GIRLS directly.

PROFESSOR: Girls! You must find the Amoeba Boys! The antidote is within them! Do you know where they are?
BUBBLES: YES! Buttercup kicked them out of town...and...they left...so...no.
BLOSSOM: We'll find the Amoeba Boys, Professor. C'mon. 

The POWERPUFF GIRLS crash back through the ceiling, though not with the energy or speed typical of them when they are healthy. All three of them look completely out of it, barely able to hold themselves up in the air.

NARRATOR: (Sounding sickly) And so the Powerpuff Girls begin to search for the hosts of one of the most deadliest viruses ever to befall mankind!

The POWERPUFFS divide up and individually scout out the fruit stand from the AMOEBAS' previous botched caper, Townsville Park and its forbidden fields of grass, around railroads and underneath highway ramps, before joining back together as a team.

They fly over the roads, looking close to blacking out, looking left right, every place but directly down, where the AMOEBA BOYS are heading out on the open road, all their worldly possessions slung over their shoulders in cloth bags. Neither of them can hear the other cough and hack. It ends with the GIRLS quaking and teeth chattering with intense cold, then the three of them simply pass out and fall to the concrete below.

BOSSMAN: Hey! Hey! Wake up! Are youse okay?
JUNIOR: Yeah! Are youse okay?

When the POWERPUFFS come groggily to, they are looking into the concerned faces of the very three protozoans they'd been so desperately searching for. As quick as they can in their weakened state, the POWERPUFFS pull themselves out of the craters their bodies formed when they collapsed into unconsciousness.

BLOSSOM: Huh? The Amoeba Boys? Oh, you gotta come back with us right away! 
BOSSMAN: (Downhearted) But I thought we were lousy criminals and you never wanted to see us again! 
BLOSSOM: No! That is not true! You three could be the worst criminals in the history of Townsville!
BOSSMAN: Aw, you're just saying that.
BLOSSOM: No, really! We've gotta take you back right away and lock you up!
BOSSMAN: (Reenergized) REALLY?!?!
BLOSSOM: C'mon. We've gotta go. 

But in this moment BOSSMAN, spotting a golden opportunity to distinguish himself as a fearsome criminal, is struck by inspiration.

BOSSMAN: Wait a minute! Why should I, copper?!

BOSSMAN turns back to his gang, all of them excited and wearing mean little smiles on their faces. JUNIOR and SKINNY quietly snicker to themselves, while BOSSMAN cackles boisterously.

BOSSMAN: (Mutinously) Yer not takin' us without a fight! 
JUNIOR: Yeah! Without a fight!
BLOSSOM: Oh, come on guys, we're sick and tired and...we wanna go home.
BOSSMAN: (Pleading) Aw, please?
JUNIOR: Yeah, please?
BLOSSOM: Hmmm...alright. If we do this then will you come home? 
AMOEBAS: (Totally compliant) Yeah, yeah, yeah! We promise!
BLOSSOM: Alright. Let's...get 'em, girls.

BOSSMAN just stands their with an excited grin on his face, while BLOSSOM, with all the passion and vigor of a girl running her third marathon in a row, hovers over to her opponent, lifts up her arm and taps him on the cheek with every raw ounce of superheroic strength she can muster.

BOSSMAN: D'-YOW!

But from the way BOSSMAN yells out and throws himself back into a flattened puddle, one would think that he'd been hit with a wrecking ball. Meanwhile, BUBBLES, who's up against SKINNY, languidly flies up to her foe, lifts up an arm to smack him in his grinning face...

BUBBLES: Ha-HA-CHOO!!!

...But sneezes instead. SKINNY whips his head around, his face contorted with what appears to be jarring pain. Lastly, BUTTERCUP, who's facing JUNIOR, executes the most devastating attack of all; she lays curled up in a sleepy, sickly, ball, while her antagonist stares over her with concern; suddenly, she wakes up and fixes at him with a look of such tired, tired misery, he's already down for the count even before he hits the ground flinging himself backward.

Later that day, a long, winding, single-file line of what might well be every man and woman in Townsville has assembled itself before the UTONIUM'S front porch. Meanwhile, in the UTONIUM basement, all three of the AMOEBA BOYS have been locked within a tight little chamber marked 'QUARANTINE'. PROFESSOR UTONIUM sticks a syringe within a chamber, and sticks it in BOSSMAN, sucking out a bit of the fluid inside him.

BOSSMAN: Ow!
JUNIOR: Yeah, ow! 
PROFESSOR: Here's the antidote. 

...The PROFESSOR languids announces to the sickly MAYOR, SARA BELLUM, and POWERPUFF GIRLS. All of them look as though they need a good nap every bit as much as that antidote.

POWERPUFFS: (unenergetically.) Great.

And with that, Townsville moves it, every individual coming through the front door sick, and exacting the back door well. Later that day, with both the UTONIUMS and the AMOEBAS back to their healthy old selves, and the city saved from viral outbreak, the PROFESSOR holds the Quarantine door open and says...

PROFESSOR: Okay, Amoeba Boys, thank you for your cooperation. You're free to go. 
BOSSMAN: GO?!?! I thought we were criminals! Ya locked us up 'n' everything!
PROFESSOR: Well, everything's alright now! Out ya go! 

...He says as the AMEOBAS ooze their way out of the Quarantine confinement.

PROFESSOR: Bye, now. 

...He says, just before slamming the door on them once the AMOEBA BOYS are outside. BOSSMAN turns to SKINNY in disgust.

BOSSMAN: I told ya, ya shoulda taken the orange! 
NARRATOR: (Imitating a muted trumpet) Wah-wah-wah! Oh, Amoeba Boys, you're so dumb. But we love ya anyway because...

The Flashing Heart Logo Flashes Its Hearts.

NARRATOR: Once again, the day is saved thanks to The Powerpuff Girls! WACHOO! 'Scuse Me!

T H E  E N D