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That Your Final Answer, Mojo Jojo? |
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transcribed by Louis Badalament II (lb140900@ohio.edu)
We begin on the set of the popular
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? game show, as hosted by the renowned game show host, REGIS PHILBIN. Today's contestant, hailing straight from The City of Townsville, is none other than that nefarious, motor-mouthed, Japanese-accented genius chimpanzee supervillain, MOJO JOJO.
Considering his tendencies for destructive bouts of anger, it is something of a surprise to see him sit so still and calm, even meditative. Digitally inserted on the scene are five computer-generated 'message boxes'. Although these boxes are partially obscuring the view of his lower body, MOJO JOJO doesn't seem to be aware of their presence. In fact, with the way he has his all fingers pressed against each other near his mouth, and the expression of pensive contemplation he seems totally absorbed in his own thoughts.
One by one, the message boxes read thusly...
One of these is not a cheese...
A) Gruyere
B) Gouda
C) Gorgonzola
D) Garaglola
Now, at this very point in time, the voice of REGIS PHILBIN sounds forth from outside the view the stage camera pointing at MOJO JOJO presents, in order to ask the most famous question of the
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? game show...
REGIS PHILBIN: So Mojo...is that your FINAL ANSWER?
MOJO JOJO: 'Is that my final answer?' Yes...THAT is the question, isn't it?!
MOJO JOJO points his finger up in the air dramatically.
MOJO JOJO: Whether this answer I am thinking about choosing is the one that I will say is the
final one!...
Then MOJO JOJO closes his eyes and shrugs the palm of one hand over towards the unseen REGIS PHILBIN.
MOJO JOJO: ...Which is to say that you have asked me a question about this answer being the one that I will ultimately pick as the response that I am sure of, for it is the one that I have deliberated on!
REGIS PHILBIN: You do have one lifeline left, Mojo Jojo! Would you like to use it?
MOJO JOJO slides his protective crystalline turban up a notch in order to scratch pensively at the delicate pink tissue of his vilely oversized mutant brain.
MOJO JOJO: Mojo must think about this. For if I use this lifeline that is my last...
He stops scratching and pushes the turban back down to its proper place on his head.
MOJO JOJO: ...Then I will have no more lifelines! And that will mean that in the future when I might want to use this lifeline, then it will
no longer be available to me as I would already have used it!
During this part of his speech, MOJO JOJO raises his arms up across his chest so that the moment he's talking about how his last lifeline 'will no longer be available to me' he can spread them out flat to either side of his body in a demonstrative 'No' gesture.
MOJO JOJO: Now when you asked me if I wanted to choose to use a
lifeline...
At this moment, REGIS PHILBIN, sounding a little anxious to get MOJO JOJO to make a decision, suggests...
REGIS PHILBIN: (Interrupting) ...Perhaps someone you'd like to call?
MOJO JOJO'S eyes bug out at the sound of that last word.
MOJO JOJO: 'Call'?
Then a wide smile spreads on his face. In his elation, MOJO JOJO raises his hands off the armrests of his chair, and brings them into the air to twitch excitedly.
MOJO JOJO: YES!!! 'CALL'!!! I COULD CALL SOMEONE ON THE TELEPHONE!!!
But joyous as this realization has come, it does not put MOJO JOJO off of his tedious convention of vocally delineating the subject matter at hand from every possible angle, unfortunately for REGIS PHILBIN...
MOJO JOJO: And it would RING AT THEIR HOUSE, and they would pick it up, and then I would ask them the answer to this question that I am thinking about and am unable to answer on my own, despite my
SUPERIOR INTELLECT and desire to!!!...
...And unfortunately for the loyal viewers of the Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire game show as well, three of which just happen to include Townsville's very own POWERPUFF GIRLS. The POWERPUFFS are all seated on the couch in their house's den, watching the game show on the television. As MOJO JOJO continues to rant, BLOSSOM irately asks her sisters...
BLOSSOM: Jeez-Louise! Can you believe this guy?!
BUTTERCUP: Call time already, for crying out loud!
We finish with the Cartoon Network's checkerboard logo appearing in a black background.
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