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transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)
(Opening shot: the city skyline during the day.) Narrator: The city of Townsville! The happiest town on earth. (Cut to a pan across the park, in which a carnival has been set up. A crowd approaches eagerly.) Narrator: But today is the happiest day of all, as young and old alike gather from far and wide to celebrate their civic joy at the Sixth Annual Happiness Carnival! (The camera passes a fellow on stilts, as well as a stage on which a man with two faces—one dour, one smiling—and a juggler have set up shop.) Narrator: Jugglers! Clowns! Fire-eaters! It’s so totally awesome! (A roller coaster thunders by on its track.) Look, Ma! A roller coaster! (He laughs, then regains his composure as the camera passes a game booth; a customer throws a ball neatly through the mouth of a target, while the operator sleeps at the counter.) Narrator: You couldn’t find more excitement anywhere else— (Dissolve to the exterior of the girls’ house as he continues.) —except perhaps in the home of three of Townsville’s most excitable and happy young citizens—the Powerpuff Girls! (Close-up of each in turn.) Bubbles: Hooray! Blossom: We’re going to— Buttercup: —the carnival! (The Professor walks through the living room as they zip back and forth.) Professor: Better hurry up, girls, or we’ll be late. (Blossom pulls a pie from the oven.) Blossom: I’m baking a pie! (Buttercup brushes the Talking Dog; a ribbon is on his collar.) Buttercup: We’re entering the dog show! (Bubbles appears, wearing a large hat piled with fruits and flowers. A broad sash tied under her chin holds it in place.) Bubbles: And I’m entering the Sixth Annual Happiest Citizen Contest! (The Professor is in the car.) Professor: Let’s go, girls! (On the next line, the girls dive out under the closing garage door and the Talking Dog follows them.) Bubbles: Coming, Professor! (They pile into the car.) Professor: I’m looking forward to this just as much as you are. (He shuts the door.) Girls: Yay! (The car pulls out; they start to sing.) La-la-la, la-la-la, we’re going to the carnival. La-la-la, la-la-la, we’re going to the carnival. (The camera follows the family out of the driveway and stops once they are on the way to the city proper, which stands in the distance. On the next line, pan away from the suburbs and stop at a long shot of a castle that stands atop a tall outcropping of rock just offshore. Streams of water gush from ports cut into the vertical surfaces.) Narrator: Ah, the sound of children laughing. How sweet it is. (ominously) But all is not sweetness and light, Powerpuff Girls. (Distant sobbing.) If you listen closely, you can hear the sound of crying— (Zoom in.) —from within a castle on an island. (Dissolve to a room inside the castle as he continues. There is a plateau of rock hemmed in by water and the walls. The crying individual stands at the edge; it is a man whose tears pour down like waterfalls over the edge. A control panel sits behind him, and a large piece of glass apparatus hangs down from the ceiling. The heart of this is a huge bulb with electrodes attached. Zoom in slowly on the man.) Narrator: An island surrounded by a sea of tears! (As the zoom continues, he can be seen clearly. Chubby, bald, buck teeth, glasses, clothing very much like the Professor’s, and a small gray cloud floating over his head.) Crying man: Listen to them! The citizens of Townsville—they all sound so…happy! And I’m so…MISERABLE! (A fresh spate of sobbing strikes him on this last word; lightning flashes from the overhead cloud. He crosses the room, the camera panning to follow, and stops at the control panel. He blows his nose loudly on a handkerchief and stops crying as he shakes a fist in pure anger.) Crying man: But I, Lou Gubrious, shall have… (Lightning.) …my revenge! I’ve invented a machine called the Miseray— (Tilt up to the apparatus as he continues.) —which will take every ounce of sadness in my pink little body and turn it into pure negative energy— (Back to him.) —and unleashed upon those stupid, happy people of Townsville… (Lightning.) …making them all MISERABLE! (His voice breaks on the last word. As he continues, his eyes tear up all over again.) Crying man (Gubrious): But making me… (He starts crying.) …HAPPY! (He throws the main switch, bringing the rig to life. Vacuum tubes and electrodes start to glow; now, merely whimpering a bit, Gubrious stands underneath the glass bulb. A clamp is lowered onto his head, and he jerks and twitches as the machine’s energy surges through him. Tilt up to the bulb, in which a very large gray cloud has appeared and begun to grow. Two gauges on the control panel start to rise: the IN gauge from “Happy” to “Sad,” the OUT gauge from “Sad” to “Happy.” The man’s maniacal laughter echoes throughout the chamber as the camera cuts to the castle exterior and waves of energy start to emanate from the topmost turret. Pull back slowly and pan across the suburbs toward the city proper; the waves cover the whole area.) Narrator: Uh-oh, Townsville. (Cut to a pan along a street; a happy cop is writing a parking ticket as the field reaches him.) Narrator: Watch out! Lou Gubrious has made good on his threat and unleashed his awful ray! (The cop’s smile disappears in a heartbeat. His mouth wobbles, and he starts to cry himself a river just as Gubrious did. Cut to another street; a burly, ski-masked robber has a man at gunpoint—to be exact, a toy gun, the sort that shoots a cork from its barrel. Both are smiling when the waves first reach them.) Narrator: It looks bad, folks. Not even the law is outside his evil grasp! (The faces of the two men fall, and they collapse sobbing into each other’s arms.) Robber: Buddy! Victim: Pal! (Pan down the street; one after another, people start bawling.) Narrator: Just look at all these happy unsuspecting people being plunged into sadness! (On the end of this line, cut to the carnival grounds and continue the pan. The people here are similarly affected.) Narrator: And what’s worse is, it’s headed for the carnival! (Cut to a stage; a barker calls to the cheerful crowd.) Barker: Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, and see the eighth wonder of the world! (Zoom in slowly on him.) It’s stupendous! It’s colossal! (The rays hit him.) It’s… (crying) …it’s not true! Go away! The show’s a total fake! (On the next line, cut to another stage on which a ventriloquist is performing. His dummy is a small copy of himself. Gubrious’ Miseray has extended itself out to here as well. There is a glass of water on the stage at the man’s feet.) Ventriloquist: Well, well, well, Frisbee, you’re looking perky today. How’s about a little song? (His tears begin to flow freely. Now he picks up the glass and drinks; the dummy, Frisbee, cries as well. Cut to a long shot of an amphitheater, whose stage has a large banner strung over it: “Townsville 6th Annual Happy-Con.” A crowd has gathered to watch this event; the Mayor is at center stage, while three judges sit at one end and face three individuals at the other. One of the latter group is Bubbles—this is the Happiest Citizen Contest she mentioned at the start. Zoom in slowly.) Narrator: (sobbing) Oh, no! Not the happy competition! (Close-up of the stage; the Mayor stands on a stack of books to reach the microphone.) Mayor: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Townsville’s Sixth Annual Happiest Citizen Contest! (He pulls out a sealed envelope.) And now, ladies and gentlemen, the happiest citizen of Townsville is… (During this last sentence, cut to the following in turn. Bubbles’ two competitors, sweating bullets. Bubbles herself. Her sisters and the Professor in the audience. The Mayor, opening the envelope. All three entrants and the rest of the family have nervous grins plastered across their faces. The Mayor looks at the slip inside the envelope for a long, tense moment.) Mayor: …Bubbles! (Cheering erupts from the crowd; the announcement catches the winner by surprise. She flies out of her seat and over to the little man, who hands her a large trophy with a smiley face emblazoned on the side. An arc is drawn within the main circle; the part it cuts off looks like a second face in profile.) Mayor: Here you go, my dear. (She goes to the microphone.) Bubbles: Thank you so very, very, very much. This is the happiest moment of my life! (On the end of this, cut to the crowd. The Miseray washes over them and reduces them to a bunch of blubbering wrecks in no time flat. Bubbles is more than a bit puzzled at this sudden change of mood; even her sisters and the Professor have fallen victim.) Blossom: What’s going on, Professor? Professor: We’re suffering from the effects of the Miseray! It’s a ray that can take one person’s sadness and spread it to thousands of people at a time! (The Talking Dog, also crying, turns to Buttercup.) Talking Dog: How does he know all this stuff? Buttercup: He’s the Professor! He knows everything! Blossom: I don’t like it! (Pan across the crowd, including Ms Bellum, as she continues.) Who could be such a nasty, mean old creep that he’d want to turn Townsville into a bunch of crybabies? (On the end of this line, the camera stops on a fat, bespectacled, jolly fellow who stands alone in the crowd. Clothing: a bright red coat too small for him, with a pink flower in the lapel; a blue bow tie with yellow polka dots; a small red hat parked atop his hairless pate; orange pants. He carries a walking stick topped by a large gold bulb, and there are roses in his cheeks. However, the face and body give him away as Gubrious.) Gubrious: Me! Lou Gubrious! Or, as I’m now known these days, Hal Larious! (He laughs himself stupid for a moment and then approaches the stage, where Bubbles is still surveying the scene.) Gubrious (Larious): Congratulate me, Sorrowpuff Girl! I’ve lost this contest to you for six years running. But now, thanks to the wonders of technology…I’m Townsville’s happiest citizen! (On “I’m,” he grabs the trophy out of Bubbles’ hand. On “Townsville’s,” he leans into her face. Extreme close-up of his own on the last two words, which sound more than a bit deranged. His cheeks swell up with laughter he is trying to suppress; finally he lets it go in an insane cackle. Back to Bubbles and zoom in slowly. Losing that prize to this nut is finally enough to ruin her cheerful outlook. She tries to keep herself from crying, but loses the battle after a couple of seconds and soon has waterfalls gushing from those big blue eyes. Larious, meanwhile, laughs as he bounds through the crowd to make his getaway.) [Animaton goof: In this sequence, the trophy’s smiley face does not show that extra arc.] Blossom: What do we do now, Professor? Professor: Girls, the only known cure for the effects of the Miseray is something more contagious than sadness—and that’s a sense of humor! Buttercup: You mean… Bubbles: …being funny? Professor: Yes! Make just one person here laugh—just one, mind you—and the entire town will… (He tries to hold his tears back, but cannot.) …FOLLOW! (Loud sobbing.) Blossom: But, Professor… Buttercup: …how can we make anyone laugh… (Close-up of Blossom.) Blossom: …when we’re so… (Pan to Buttercup.) Buttercup: …unhappy? (Sobbing.) Professor: Crying is easy, girls. Comedy is hard! (pushing both toward stage) Now go up there and knock ’em out! (Three very pathetic-looking girls float to the onstage microphone. Blossom taps it, producing a squeal of feedback.) Blossom: Is this thing on? Good evening, ladies and germs. Buttercup: We just flew in from Las Vegas… Bubbles: …because we can! (The crowd keeps up with the waterworks—perhaps now partially because that was a lousy twist on a joke that was never much good to begin with.) Bubbles: (to her sisters) Rough crowd. Professor: (holding up a calculator) Step on it, because according to my calculations, the entire town will be flooded with tears in ten minutes! (He tsps his watch on the end of this.) (Long shot of the skyline. The “fish balloon” monster from “Uh Oh Dynamo” towers over the buildings, but is not doing any damage. Instead, its seven eyes crank out tears at top speed. Back to the Professor, who holds up all the fingers on one hand.) Professor: Make that five minutes! [Note: As in many other cartoons, the people on this show are drawn with three fingers and a thumb on each hand.] (The bawling crowd screams and scatters at this pronouncement. Chaos in the street; Larious stands in the middle of it all, next to a gushing fountain, and caresses the trophy.) Larious: Ahh, the lovely sound of other people crying. It’s so refreshing! (An idea strikes.) You know, Townsville is such a silly name. From now on, I think I’ll call it…the city of Frownsville! (He laughs insanely. Cut to Blossom and Buttercup in midair.) Buttercup: Where’s Bubbles? (The sound of their sister’s distant moaning reaches them, and they turn toward it. Cut to the lower stories of a skyscraper and tilt up along its height. A pigeon has perched on an upper ledge and is crying its beady little eyes out. Bubbles floats nearby; zoom in on her and the bird.) Bubbles: Listen, Mr. Pigeon. What’s yellow and has lots of appeal? (The “rat with wings” can only manage a few coos through its sobbing.) Bubbles: A banana! (No dice. She removes one from her hat and peels it to get the joke across.) Bubbles: See? “A peel”! Get it? (She tries to smile; cut to the bird, which just keeps crying. Pull back to frame both on the next line.) Bubbles: I give up! (She throws the peel over her shoulder. Cut to it and follow its descent as she keeps bawling. It lands next to Larious.) Larious: It was nice knowing you, Frownsville. I think I’ll go home and polish my trophy now. (singsong) Good-bye! (He lifts his foot to start walking away; in slow motion, it comes down squarely on that banana peel and he loses his balance. Normal speed; he goes flying and passes the peak of his trajectory. Slow motion: he descends to the street and hits the pavement face first, breaking several teeth upon impact, and his fat body squashes down on his head. Normal speed: he settles like a kickball not fully inflated and slowly rolls forward to end up flat on his back. He stands up, revealing himself to be a total mess from his free-fall encounter with the street. Clothes torn, glasses askew, face scratched, black eye. The panicking, crying crowd stops doing both of these things and stares dumbfounded.) Larious: (weakly) Oww! (Now the crowd starts to laugh its collective head off at his misfortune.) Larious: Stop that! (Even the fish balloon finds it amusing and goes from tears to a gale of laughter.) Larious: Stop it, I say! (They pay no mind; he shakes his fist.) I am the happiest citizen in Townsville! (The camera pulls back to an overhead view as he starts wailing—while all around him are throngs of formerly distraught Townsville residents who think this is an absolute gas. Cut to a slow pan across the Professor and the girls; he has the Talking Dog under one arm. All are laughing it up, and Bubbles has recovered her trophy.) Professor: Well, you did it, girls. You made other people laugh while you were feeling sad yourselves. Buttercup: Thanks, Professor. Blossom: It made us feel good again, too. Bubbles: And I got my trophy back. (holding it up) Now I really am the happiest citizen of Townsville! (She pulls her hat off and throws it up.) Girls: Hooray! (On this last, cut to a view across the rooftops. The hat sails into view near the camera and then floats away again. Behind its trailing edge, the scene wipes to a street full of happy people going about their business. Pan to follow one fellow down the block.) Narrator: Yes, Townsville is back to its happy-go-lucky self once more. (sniffling) I’m so happy about it all, I’m crying tears of joy. (The camera now reaches the park, where the carnival is still in full swing and some spectators smile and give a thumbs-up. The Narrator composes himself.) Narrator: But whatever happened to our old pal Lou Gubrious? (We see a log ride.) Well, let’s just say Lou retired from the bad-guy business. The Mayor found him a comfortable job at the carnival— (That old familiar sobbing makes itself heard, and the camera stops at the bank of the “river” on which the logs float for this ride. Gubrious sits here, chained by his ankle to a tree; he is heavily bandaged and crying fit to burst. His tears are the source of the ride’s water now. The gray cloud has reappeared over his head, and he is dressed in his original clothing—his Larious alter ego is no more.) Narrator: —where he can spend the rest of his days spreading happiness and joy to children everywhere. (Gubrious cries for several seconds, then stops and turns to the camera.) Gubrious: It only hurts when I laugh. (More crying.) (The background for the end shot comes up.) Narrator: And so once again, the happy day was happily saved again— (The girls appear as they did at at the end of “Silent Treatment,” but with the positions of Bubbles and Buttercup reversed.) Narrator: —by the very happy Powerpuff Girls! (They are replaced by a partially peeled banana.) Narrator: And a banana. T H E E N D |
