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transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)
(Opening shot: the city skyline during the day.) Narrator: (ominously) The city of Townsville! (Cut to Mojo Jojo’s observatory.) Where Mojo Jojo… (Tilt down quickly to an extreme close-up of a cannon’s breech at the base of the volcano. Mojo lights the fuse and sets off this artillery piece.) Narrator: (cheerfully) …is having a blowout! (Pull back. Mojo stands on a platform next to the cannon; nearby, a sign reading “YARD SALE” is on a stake driven into the ground.) Mojo: Welcome to Mojo Jojo’s “Everything Must Go” yard sale! (Pull back; people look over various weapons that are scattered about.) Where low, low prices are sure to guarantee that everything will be sold— (Cut to Harry Pitt, who is looking at a small bit of equipment.) Mojo: (from o.c.) —and thus gone from my yard! Harry: Everything? (Mojo runs up and grabs the boy’s shirt.) Mojo: Everything! Harry: (holding up thong underwear) Even these? Mojo: (blushing) Except those. (The primate snatches the garment from Harry and tucks it away in his tunic, looking furtively around himself as he does so. Now he drops back into salesman mode.) Mojo: These offers will only be available now, and not again in the future. (A bespectacled old woman hobbles up with her cane.) Old woman: ’Scuse me, sonny boy. Mojo: “Sonny boy”? My name— (She holds up his oversized blaster.) Old woman: The price tag on this hair dryer says three hundred and fifty thousand dollars. (poking him with cane) You take a buck and a quarter? Mojo: That is a very rare and hard-to-find proton disintegrator—special edition. It has the power to reduce mountains to mere dust, causing them to become incredibly smaller than a normal mountain. (Cut to her.) Old woman: Mmm—I don’t know. Mojo: (from o.c., snatching blaster) Give it here! (Cut to him.) I must perform a demonstration. (pointing it) Simply aim the device at the mountain that is bothering you… (As he says this last, pull back to a long shot of him and the old woman. A small mountain sits nearby and is in his sights—but it does not stay there for long after he hits it with a beam. All that is left is a small pile of rock flakes.) Mojo: …and instantly it is destroyed! (Close-up of the two.) Now even with your limited vision, you can clearly see its value. (She thinks for a moment.) Old woman: How about a buck and a half? (Mojo struggles to contain a frustrated outburst and gets control of it after a couple of seconds.) Mojo: Sold! (He pushes the weapon into her hands, and she turns to hobble o.c. right.) Old woman: Oh, boy! I finally gots me a new hair dryer! (The glare of its firing washes onto the screen from the direction in which she departed. The glasses tumble into view and shatter on the ground—the “hair dryer” worked a little too well.) Mojo: Another satisfied customer. (Pan slowly left, away from him and across more devious bits of hardware.) Blossom: (from o.c.) Mojo is sure getting rid of a lot of things. (On the end of this line, the camera reaches her and Buttercup; they are looking at a couple of items with the old hairy eyeball. Close-up of Buttercup, who is pondering a small raygun.) Buttercup: Some of this stuff looks pretty dangerous. (The weapon promptly swivels and fires a beam that goes just over her head. Pull back; the shot has singed one end of Blossom’s hair bow. A hard glare and sheepish grin are exchanged.) Blossom: (sarcastically) Yeah. Hopefully they don’t fall into the wrong hands. (normal tone) We gotta keep our eyes peeled and make sure no one evil is buying anything. (On the end of this line, cut to a pan across the area. People are looking at merchandise and hauling off their purchases—one fellow is even sporting a surplus braincap and cape. Stop on the Gangrene Gang. Ace and Little Arturo check out a coffee mug, Snake and Grubber have sighted a box of random items, and Big Billy is digging around in a large storage container.) Ace: Man! There ain’t nuttin’ but junk up in here! (Close-up of him; the mug reads “MOJO’S JOE.”) You’d think bein’ a mega-supervillain, Mojo would actually have some cool stuff we could actually, you know, use. (He tosses the mug over his shoulder as he says this. Now he approaches the container.) Ace: You know what would be cool? (He leans against it.) One of those, uh, uh…what do you call ’em? Some kind of huge destructo-type ray thingy. (Cut to the other four Gang members, all looking up o.c. with very surprised expressions.) Ace: (from o.c.) You know what I’m sayin’? (Back to him.) Guys? (The other four continue to stare.) Ace: Uh, guys? (He finally gets the hint and turns his head to look. Cut to the base of the object and tilt up slowly. The “container” Billy was plundering is, in fact, part of this base. Mounted atop it is an enormous, fearsome-looking, high-tech cannon. Pull back to show that it stands many stories tall, dwarfing the Gang, then cut to Ace.) Ace: Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about! Blossom: (from o.c.) The Gangrene Gang! (Cut to three rather angry girls. Blossom’s bow is back to its usual un-mangled self.) Blossom: I should have known you guys would be here. Now step away from that destructo ray! Ace: Not this time, Powerpuke Girls. (walking over, thumping cannon base) We’re buyin’ this here destructo ray, and with it, we’ll be completely unstoppable! (leaning down to Blossom) So what do you think of that? (Pan away from him as Blossom turns.) Blossom: Quick, Bubbles. How much money do we have? (Close-up of the following items in Bubbles’ hand.) Bubbles: (from o.c.) Um, a penny, a jack, a paper clip, a piece of lint, and—ooh, ooh! A cute little ladybug! (Pull back to frame the two girls.) Blossom: That’s all we have? (Bubbles lets the ladybug fly away and drops everything else.) Ace: All right, guys, how much money we got? (Close-up of a spot between the five Gang members. Each extends a hand into view, holding an item to put into the kitty. Ace’s contribution is real money.) Snake: (from o.c.) I’ve got s-s-s-some fake vomit. Arturo: (from o.c.) I got an old hairball. Billy: (from o.c.) I gots a bunch of rocks. Grubber: (from o.c.) Pbbbpppbbbt! [Dialogue goof: Grubber is holding a wad of hairy sludge—the hairball Arturo mentioned—while Arturo has a few small random items: spring bottlecap, crayon, ball.] (Now Blossom floats over to check the price tag. Close-up of it—“PRICE: $100.”) Blossom: (from o.c.) One hundred bucks?! Aw, man! (Pull back; Ace walks up.) Ace: Looks like you guys can’t afford it either. Buttercup: But you can bet we’re gonna work for the money so that you and your goons don’t get your grubby hands on it! Ace: Oh, yeah? Not if we beat you to it first! Blossom: We’ll see. Let’s go, girls. We got work to do! (They take off, leaving Ace standing by himself in the frame. During the next line, the camera shifts to frame Billy behind him.) Billy: Uh, Boss? We’re not really gonna work, are we? Ace: Nah, of course not. We’re gonna earn money the Gangrene way— (Extreme close-up of him.) —by stealin’ it! (Fade to black.) (Snap to an old woman on the sidewalk of a busy street; pull back briefly to show just how much traffic there is at this moment. The girls zip into view, lift her clear of the chaos, and set her down on the opposite side. She pats Bubbles on the head, then fishes around in her purse and drops a coin into the beaming blonde’s hand. The girls then take off; close-up of the woman as she waves after them, then pull back to show Billy’s immense gut now right next to her. He grabs her by the head and yanks her up o.c. Pull back farther to frame both him and Ace. Billy has the unfortunate senior citizen by the ankles and is shaking her vigorously, causing coins and bills to fall to the concrete. Finally he throws her aside.) (Wipe to the girls at the front door of a house. They are sporting sashes and berets similar to those worn by the Girl Scouts, and Blossom is hauling a wagon loaded with treats to sell. With one box tucked under her arm, Bubbles knocks on the door, which opens to reveal a ponytailed man—bald on top, five o’clock shadow, old football jersey.) Man: Whoa. It’s a flying Girl Scout. (Cut to just behind him, the camera pointing at Bubbles. Now the label on the box can be seen—Jumbo Mintz.) Bubbles: Hi, mister. We’re selling cookies to earn a hundred dollars so that we can buy a huge destructo ray from an evil monkey genius at his yard sale, so that it doesn’t fall into the hands of the Gangrene Gang. Man: Oh. Well, that’s a good cause. (Cut to her; he continues o.c.) I’ll take a box. (He takes the cookies, hands over some cash, and closes the door. Cut to just outside it and pan slowly down the sidewalk on the next line.) Blossom: Wow, this is easy. We’ll have the money in no time! (Three fully decked-out Girl Scouts pass the house, their arms loaded with boxes. However, they find Ace blocking their path, at which point the camera stops.) Girl Scout: Hey, mister— (Pull back to bring the whole Gang into view.) —would you be interested in some Girl Scout cookies? Ace: Well, I guess that depends. How much money are you gonna give us? Girl Scout: Actually, you’re supposed to pay us. Ace: Oh, is that how it works? (Cut to Billy, who is already stuffing his face with the goods.) Ace: (from o.c.) Wow, this is easy. (Pull back. The Gang has the cookies, Ace is holding the speaking Girl Scout by the hair, and the other two scream and run.) Ace: We’ll have the money in no time! (Wipe to a sign in the park: “1st Annual Pet Race—$50.00 Entrance Fee”—and pan from it to the starting line of a racetrack. Several kids, including Bubbles and Elmer Sglue, are crouched behind the line with their pets. Close-up of Bubbles; she is fielding a rabbit whose face displays a rather fierce expression.) Bubbles: Okay, Mr. Fluffer. Remember, Mommy has a lot of money riding on this race. (Mr. Fluffer faces forward. Pan across the other entries: a bulldog, a cat, a mouse, a fish—still in its bowl—held by its owner. Elmer has entered the cat. The fish’s owner sets the bowl at the starting line. A white-jacketed official raises a starter pistol, but when he fires, the animals do not start down the track. Instead, a snarling, hissing battle royal begins right then and there. The fish, not taking any part in the fracas, leaps out of its bowl and flops its way along the course. It reaches the finish line and takes the checkered flag. The boy who entered it is handed a blue-ribboned trophy stuffed with the prize money—followed by the exhausted competitor. Close-up of it, gasping for breath in the boy’s hand.) (He reaches to drop the fish back into its bowl, but Ace suddenly thrusts his foot into view to block the opening. The creature bounces off and lands on the ground; pull back to frame the hooligan and the lad.) Ace: Gimme the money, or your fish will be swimmin’ with the…uh…fishes. (A moment of hard thought, after which the boy reluctantly surrenders his prize. Ace walks away, and the fish finally lands in the bowl. Dissolve to the exterior of the girls’ house.) Blossom: (from inside) Aw, man, that’s just great. (In their bedroom, Buttercup looks annoyed, Bubbles dejected.) Blossom: Due to someone’s big idea, we lost half of the money we earned by gambling! Bubbles: I’m sorry. I was just trying to help. (to Buttercup) It was pretty cool, though, wasn’t it? (She gets a very nasty look.) I mean bad. Very bad. Gambling is wrong. Blossom: Okay, then. So now how do we get enough money to afford the destructo ray? Think, girls. Think! (On this last, she and Buttercup start to rack their brains. Bubbles, however, gives higher priority to playing with Octi. She is the first to have a brainstorm; a glowing light bulb pops into view above her head.) Blossom: Except you, Bubbles. (This deflates her; the bulb disappears.) Buttercup: Why don’t we ask the Professor if he can give us the money? Blossom: That’s a great idea! Let’s go! (They zip away. Cut to just inside the open door of the Professor’s study, where they arrive.) Blossom: Professor, we need your help! (Bubbles approaches him at his desk.) Bubbles: We need a hundred dollars to buy a huge destructo ray before the Gangrene Gang does and uses it to blow up the city! Professor: (waving them off) Ah-ah-ah-ah! Now if you girls need money, you’re gonna have to earn it. (unrolling a long list) And I’ve got a couple of things that need to be done around here. (When the camera pulls back from him, we see that the list reaches all the way to the floor and trails along it. The girls groan wearily at the prospect of tackling this lot. Wipe to the Gang and follow them down a sidewalk.) Ace: Man, we’re still short on cash! (Close-up of him; he stops near a doorway.) What we need to find is some kinda…uh…big place. Just full of money, and, uh, not too far from here. (Cut to the rest of the Gang, all stopped and looking up o.c. in Ace’s general direction.) Ace: (from o.c.) You know what I’m sayin’?…Guys? (Pull back to frame all five. At this distance, they are visible only as silhouettes. Ace is leaning against a column that adorns the front entrance of a bank, while the other four are looking up at its sign over his head.) Ace: Guys? (Close-up of him; he suddenly realizes what they have been staring at. Zoom in slowly to an extreme close-up as he smiles wickedly. Cut to a point just between the Professor and one of the girls. He is counting money into a filthy outstretched hand.) Professor: (from o.c.) Ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred. (Pull back. Three tired, dirty, disheveled girls float before him in the study. Blossom has the stack of cash.) Professor: There you go, girls, one hundred dollars. (Close-up of him.) Oh, you girls sure helped me out. Now I can spend the whole day relaxing with a good book. (Said book is an issue of Smart Girls magazine, which he whips out and opens. His eyes zip back and forth, most likely taking in more than just the articles, and a dot-matrix printer sound effect accentuates this. Back to the girls, now cleaned up.) Blossom: Let’s go, girls. We got a destructo ray to buy! (They take off. Cut to them in flight.) Narrator: Hurry, girls, before the Gangrene Gang gets there first! (They stop short.) Blossom: Oh, no! (Ground level. Ace is counting the Gang’s profits into Mojo’s hand. Billy has picked up a teddy bear.) Narrator: It looks like you’re too late, girls! (Ace addresses them.) Ace: Well, well, well. The Powerpuff Girls. (Close-up of them; he continues o.c.) You’re just in time to watch us finish buyin’ the destructo ray! (Cut to him; he resumes the transaction.) Ace: Ninety, ninety-one— (Billy shoves the bear into view, making it squeak.) Billy: (from o.c., laughing) Hey, Boss! My teddy wants to say hello. (falsetto, thumping it against Ace’s head) Hello there! Ace: (smacking it away) Hey! Can’t you see I’m tryin’ to pay Mojo? Geez!…Oh, where was I? Mojo: Ninety-one is the number that directly follows ninety. Ace: Oh, oh, yeah, right. Ninety-one, ninety-two, ninety-three, ninety-four, ninety-fi— (He has just reached the end of the Gang’s working capital and is caught by surprise.) Ace: Ninety-five? Mojo: (irritated) Yes, ninety-five must be followed by ninety-six, ninety-seven, and so on and so forth to make one hundred. However, without those numbers we are not able to reach the previously agreed-upon price of one hundred dollars— (throwing money in Ace’s face) —thus terminating this transaction. (He walks o.c.) Ace: (crushed) So close. So very close. Did I miscount? (Billy reaches into view with the bear again.) Billy: (from o.c., singing) Here comes Mr. Sunshine Bear to brighten up your day! Ace: Please! Billy! Not right— (A thought occurs to him, and he seizes the squeaky toy from the big oaf’s grasp.) Ace: Where did you get this? (Pull back to frame both.) Billy: (pointing over shoulder) Duh—yeah, from a box over there. It was only five dollars. Ace: Five dollars?!? (Close-up of Billy; now Ace thrusts the bear into his face.) Ace: (from o.c.) This is why we didn’t have enough for the destructo ray! (Now the girls approach Mojo.) Blossom: Since the Gangrene Gang doesn’t have enough money, we’d like to buy the destructo ray. Mojo: Sorry, girls, but it’s already been sold. (This bit of news catches both groups of potential customers flat-footed.) Ace, Snake, Arturo, Billy: What?!? (Grubber blows a raspberry with them.) Girls: What?!? Blossom: Who bought it? Mojo: (pointing past girls) He did. (The girls look behind themselves; pan quickly in that direction to show the buyer standing by the base of the machine. It is none other than the Mayor.) Mayor: Hi, girls! (Pull back to frame the entire rig.) You like this new snow cone machine I bought? (Back to him; Blossom approaches.) Blossom: Mayor! Mayor! That’s not a snow cone machine, it’s a destructo ray! Mayor: That’s ridiculous. It’s not a destructo ray! (walking to a panel) Watch. I’ll prove it. (Close-up of the panel, which has one large red button. He reaches into view and presses it, bringing the machine to life. Tremors run up and down its height, and the muzzle of the cannon starts to glow and angle itself down toward the Mayor.) Bubbles: No! Buttercup: Mayor! Blossom: Look out! (Paying them absolutely no mind, he holds an empty ice cream cone, open end toward the muzzle. A blast of orange light issues forth and completely engulfs the little man; smoke boils around the spot as well. When the blast stops and the view clears, the cone has been filled with the Mayor’s favorite frozen snack.) Mayor: See? I told you it was a snow cone machine. (licking cone) Mmm! Tutti-frutti! (The girls are completely stunned.) Buttercup: Wow, he was right. Who knew? Bubbles: So what do we do with the Gangrene Gang? (Cut to the equally stunned Gang and zoom in slowly on Ace, then dissolve to another view of the quintet—tied together with the girls floating overhead, and still on Mojo’s lawn. The old woman who bought Mojo’s blaster stands nearby, and Blossom addresses her. Bubbles has a snow cone of her own now.) Blossom: How about seventy-five cents? Old woman: They don’t look so good. (Cut to the Gang; she continues o.c.) They look a little green. (Cut to Blossom.) Blossom: A quarter? (Pull back to frame the woman.) Old woman: I’ll take ’em! (She hooks her cane into the ropes binding the Gang and starts to drag them o.c.) Old woman: I hope you boys know how to give a proper sponge bath. (She laughs.) (The background for the end shot comes up.) Narrator: And so once again the day is saved— (The girls appear in their usual poses, but not in their standard grouping. Blossom is at top C, Bubbles at bottom L, Buttercup at bottom R. Also, Buttercup is scowling rather than smiling.) Narrator: —thanks to the Powerpuff Girls! Ooh, ooh, ooh! How much is that blender? T H E E N D |
