HER! MST3K

Angelica: Well I think that's working out quite nicely. Anyway welcome back to DragonShadow's MSTing hall where we're about to embark on a magical fic done by a very highly recommended author, King Moonraiser.

James: Nothing against him, we just want to know if we can do it.

Angelica: As usual... (Cough) Anyway, let's go up to the Satellite of Love where Mike and the bots are waiting with OUR Wheel O' People.

Mike: Hey you're the ones who asked us to do this remember.

Crow: Yeah you don't have to be all prissy about it.

James: How did you get back up there anyway Crow? I thought you got free.

Crow: I did... stupid continuity errors.

Servo: Anyway let's see who you'll be afflicted with this time... uh Mike, spin for us.

Mike: Sure. (Grabs the wheel and spins it. It whirls quickly until it finally slows, landing on... James Freeman)

James: What? But I'm already here. (Another James materializes beside him) What the hell are you doing here?

James: I don't know, but I know its your fault.

James: Is not!

Angelica: Shut up! Okay... you're James1, and you're James2, got it?

James2: But I wanna be James1.

James1: Too bad, I'M number one!

Angelica: Get over it! Now we have a fanfic to get to, if neither of you mind?

James2: (Grumbling) I should be number 1...

HER! Part 1
By King Moonraiser

James: Wait wait. (Comes out and repaints a bit on the sign) there, mahvelous.

HER! Part 1 (MST'd)
(not) by King Moonraiser, but by DragonShadow

Narrator: The city of Townsville...location of the First Annual Symposium on ... CHEMICAL X.  And who better to lead off than the world's foremost expert on chemical x than Townsville's own Professor Utonium!

James1: How about the guy who invented it?
Angelica: I thought Professor Utonium did invent it.
James2: Nobody ever said that.
James1: Yeah geeze, assuming a bit aren't you?
Angelica: (Sighs) This is going to be a long day...

Professor Utonium is giving a presentation.  There are slides being shown that accompany his speech.

Angelica: I got dibs on the water slide!
James1: Damnit, I guess I'll take the fire slide.
James2: Sounds like fun.

Professor: Greetings fellow scientists.  As you all know, the mysterious substance we call chemical x is one of the most powerful, yet unstable materials in the galaxy.

Angelica: In the galaxy? Kinda a broad assumption there since we only know our own solar system really.
James2: Humans are arrogant idiots.

The camera pulls back off the Professor as he continues his speech; his voice begins to trail off as the camera moves further away.  The shot pulls back until we see HIM observing the proceedings from his home.

James1: Ugh... for God's sakes, villains don't have "homes" they have "hideouts" or "lairs" in the case of mystical evil ones.
Angelica: I know huh, this makes it sound like he's another guy who just happens to be bad.

HIM: Chemical x.  All of my evil plans...all of my sinister deeds...all foiled because of chemical x.  But now...I will use that which has defeated me so many times in the past to achieve my ultimate victory!  I will fight fire with fire!  Bwahahahahahahahaha!

Narrator: Oh no!  What does that fiend have in store for our girls!

Angelica: Hmm... let's think... he's talking about how the girls were created with Chemical-X, and how he's going to fight fire with fire... boy this is a real stumper here.
James2: Duuuhhh whadda he gonna do ageen?

Scene switches back to the seminar.  The camera pans through the audience as the Professor gives his speech.  The audience is comprised entirely of scientists in white lab coats.  We pass one that suspiciously looks like MoJo JoJo in disguise.  We hear the Professor continue with his presentation.

Professor: ...and when chemical x was accidentally added, the reaction was so unstable that it split into three pieces.

Angelica: You gotta love how he makes the accident sound like a real experiment.
James1: (The Professor) Oh crap! Oh uh... yeah I meant to have that accident, important research, yeah that's it.

The slide changes to show an explosion breaking into three pieces.

James2: An explosion breaking into three pieces... how do you break something that's not really physical?
Angelica, James1: (Shrugs)

Professor: The result was, well, you know...

James1: The world's best penis growth and sperm enhancement formula.
James2: Sperm so strong you don't even need a woman to get pregnant, they just turn into kids in mid-air.
Angelica: Ugh...

The slide changes to a picture of the PowerPuff Girls.

Professor: The PowerPuff Girls!

Angelica: (The Powerpuff Girls) What is it!

The entire audience applauds except for one short brooding scientist.

James1: (Dexter) I'll show YOU who the greatest genius is...

Mojo: Profess...

Angelica: I profess to know nothing.

MoJo clears his throat to cover up the fact that he began speaking in his own voice.  He then continues in a disguised voice.

Mojo: Professor Utonium, is there any way to stabilize the reaction enough to create a single super being?

James2: (The Professor) Sure, just get some kryptonite.

MoJo begins to slip back to his real voice.

Mojo: A being powerful enough to destroy the PowerPuff Girls once and for all!

Realizing he let that last part slip, he clears his throat and disguises his voice again.

Angelica: Couldn't all of this have been jammed into one paragraph? I know it may not be the official way to do this but this is not the way you want to read something.
James: I know, we've spent half a page just watching Mojo trying to disguise himself.

Mojo: Oh, uh, I mean...in theory, of course...

Believing that MoJo is a reputable scientist, Professor Utonium answers the question without hesitation.

James1: Being a complete idiot the likes of which has never been seen on the planet before.
James2: To quote the Narrator... "Quoth the raven, nevermore"
Angelica: ...

Professor: Well...I suppose if you had a nuclear powered laser and focused the beam through a highly refractive lens, it might be possible.  Of course, you would need a very large supply of chemical x.  Probably all of the chemical x in Townsville.

Angelica: Isn't it all in Professor Utonium's basement?
James2: And the sewer system.
Angelica: Oh yeah I forgot about that.

MoJo continues in the disguised voice.

Mojo: Fascinating! And where would I...err...someone get all of these items?

James1: (Looks down at his watch) This is fascinating but there is more to this fic than Mojo's girly voice isn't there?
Angelica: I sure as Hell hope so. 

Professor: Hmmm... Well, the only place you could get plutonium would be from the army testing grounds right outside of Townsville.

James1: (The Professor) The bastards are conducting nuclear experiments on our city without anyone know it... but since this is a kids fic that doesn't matter.

We quickly change to a visual of the army testing grounds then back to the Professor.  From the visual shown, we can see that the testing grounds are heavily guarded.

Angelica: Whoa, everyone in the fic is psychic.
James1: Maybe it's like ElfQuest where they can exchange images and stuff telepathically.

Professor: And the only lens big enough and refractive enough would be the Faith diamond in the Townsville museum.

We quickly change to a visual of the Faith diamond then back to the Professor.  The diamond is protected by a ridiculous number of security devices and safeguards to prevent it from being stolen.

James2: Which we all just saw anyway thanks to our supersweet psychic powers.

Professor: As far as chemical x, just about all of the chemical x in Townsville is right here at this convention.

Angelica: Again, the resident supergenius of Townsville.

Camera pans back quickly to show the entire convention area then back to the Professor.

James1, James2: (They both wobble dizzily)
Angelica: Whoa my head's spinning... please no more pointless sudden pull backs and zoom ins, you're gonna make us throw up...

Professor: Hey, that reminds me, the only one with laser big enough is that evil villain MoJo JoJo!

James1: (The Professor) And best yet, nobody's ever thought to take the laser from him, so he still has it despite that I know about it!
James2: He's only a supervillain bent on killing them all, why would they want to take his laser away?

MoJo begins to look nervous as he wonders if the Professor is beginning to recognize him through his disguise.

Angelica: He has a green face and is covered with fur... if the Professor can't recognize him as it is he never will.

The Professor starts to grin as he responds.

James1: But you'll find out in hell monkey, mwahahahahaha!

Professor: But I doubt he would let you use it for your experiments.

The audience laughs.  MoJo takes a breath.  He's relieved he wasn't discovered.

James2: No sh*t.

Mojo: Phew!

The Professor grins even more as he continues.

Angelica: I swear come on move on already please. This is the slowest fanfic I have ever seen! Absolutely everything has it's own line! A grin takes up as much space as a Goddamn speech!

Professor: And he's certainly not smart enough to do it himself!  Ahhahahahahaha!

James1: Aha, stupid monkey.
James2: Stupid gay monkey.

The whole crowd bursts into laughter except, of course, for MoJo.  MoJo is humiliated and responds in a subdued monotone without even bothering to disguise his voice.

Angelica: Smart monkey, talk in his regular voice while everyone in the room has him on their minds.
James1: He's a genius, not a smart guy.

Mojo: Thank you Professor...that will be all.

MoJo quickly leaves the building as the rest of the audience continues to laugh out loud.  Once clear from the area, MoJo rips off his disguise and begins talking to himself.

James1: (MoJo, maniacally) We'll show them all yes we will, we'll work together, you and I, and we'll kill them all, mweeehehehehehe...

Mojo: Those fools!  They do not realize they have given me the means to carry out my most diabolical plan ever!   My plan to eliminate PowerPuff Girls once and for all!  Yes!  Now that I have the information that I need, I will set my evil plan in motion and destroy the PowerPuff Girls!  Muhahahahahaha!

MoJo laughs evilly at his own handiwork.

Angelica: Handiwork? He hasn't even done anything yet.
James1: I know MoJo jumps the gun on celebrating his victories but this is just getting ridiculous.

Mojo: But wait!  I need materials for my plan to work!  Materials that are very difficult to obtain.  But only after I obtain these materials, which are very difficult to obtain, will I be able to execute my plan and destroy and the PowerPuff Girls once and for all!

James2: MoJo is the most irritating character in the history of cartoons.
Angelica: Maybe, but it could be worse I guess.

Scene changes to PowerPuff Girls home.  Buttercup is teasing Bubbles.

James1: (Buttercup) Yeah you want in these panties don't ya b*tch? You know you do.
Angelica: Please keep the innuendo to a minimum you guys.
James1, James2: F*ck you.

Bubbles: Hey, give it back!

Angelica: (Singing) If I only had that thing... 

Buttercup: What, you mean this stupid picture?  It's not even a good one!

Bubbles: Gimme!

James1: Gimme your lunch money!

Bubbles reaches out her hands trying to grab her picture back.  Buttercup puts one hand on Bubbles' head holding her back while holding the picture in her other hand keeping it out of Bubbles' reach.

Angelica: Thank God Bubbles doesn't think to use her superspeed to surprise her and get behind her.
James1: I know, I've noticed that too. They use their powers all the time except when it would benefit THEM to do so.

Buttercup: Awwww, what's the matter?  Does the baby want her drawing back?

Bubbles: I'm not a baby!  You're just a stupid bully!

Angelica: (Gasps) Bubbles said the "S" word!
James1: Get her!

Blossom enters.

Blossom: Are you two fighting again?  Buttercup, why do you always torment her?

James2: Oh sure it's ALWAYS Buttercups fault.
Angelica: Actually it is.
James1: Who asked you? Geeze. 

Buttercup: She's just a big baby!  If she can't take a little kidding around, then maybe she shouldn't be a PowerPuff Girl!

James1, James2, Angelica: Oooooohhhhhh. 

Bubbles: I'm just as good of a PowerPuff Girl as you!

Bubbles crosses her arms, closes her eyes, and sticks her nose in the air.

Angelica: (Blossom) Bubbles, get that invisible nose back on your face this instant!

Bubbles: You're just jealous that I can draw and you can't.

James1: Proof of what happens when you say even the worst crap is good just to make the artist happy.
James2: It's almost sad really.

Buttercup: Say what?!

Angelica: (Bubbles) You suck!

Bubbles: You heard me.  You only wish you were as creative as me.

Buttercup: All right, you asked for it!

James1: (Buttercup) Take this! (Starts slapping James2 like a girl and they get into a girly slapping match)
Angelica: I don't know who to root for, I hate them both.

Buttercup charges forward towards Bubbles.  Blossom cuts in between.

Angelica: (Blossom) You can't beat up Bubbles, I get to do it first!

Blossom: Buttercup!  Cut it out! 

Buttercup: Make me, boss-girl!

James1: Is boss-girl actually an insult? She is the leader, and she is a girl.
James2: (Shrug) It's like calling a gay person a fag, or a black person a nigger, it's true but it's still considered an insult for some reason.

Buttercup shoves Blossom and sends her flying into a wall.  Bubbles bonks Buttercup on top of the head.

Angelica: (Bubbles) You drive me bonkers!
James1, James2: (Gagging)

Buttercup grabs Bubbles' ponytails and tosses her in the air.  Blossom quickly recovers and flies top speed at Buttercup nailing her in the midsection.

Scene change to the inside of the house facing the front door.  Professor Utonium opens the door and walks in.

James1: Wow I'm sure glad MoJo JoJo didn't listen to my speech and learn how to destroy my girls once and for all, nope, no chance of that.

Professor: Girls, I'm home!

The Professor hears the girls fighting and goes upstairs to investigate.  He sticks his head in their room to find out what's going on.

James1: (The Professor) Wow a threesome! Can I join in!?
Angelica: Now you stop that! This isn't a mature type fic!
James2: Doesn't mean it's not a mature type MST.

Professor: Girls, I...

A lamp thrown by one of the girls hits Professor Utonium in the head.  He's knocked down and barley conscious. All three girls turn and shriek in horror.  Blossom rushes over to the Professor and lifts his head up.

Angelica: (Blossom) Quick, does anyone know how to put his head back on!?

Blossom: Professor!  Are you ok?

Professor: Uhhh....

James1: (The Professor) You're... all... grounded...

Buttercup flies over.

Buttercup: This is all your fault Blossom!  If you hadn't stuck your nose in, like you always do, none of this would have happened!

James1: What nose? Geeze, these girls keep sticking their nonexistent noses everywhere don't they?
James2: I would rather see them stick something else somewhere.
Angelica: Okay that's enough you two! I'm not going to let you turn this MST into an NC-17 so you either shut up or I'll ban you both from the MST!

Blossom turns to Buttercup to confront her.  She unintentionally drops the Professor's head on the floor.

Angelica: Ouch, you know that'll sting in the morning.

Blossom: Me?!  You started it when you were picking on Bubbles, like you always do!

James1: If she always does it shouldn't Blossom be used to it by now?
Angelica: It just fits with the moral-filled plot that they start fighting like this all of a sudden.

Bubbles sees that the Professor is hurt and neither of her sisters are helping.  Bubbles screams at the top of her lungs...

James2: YOU F*CKING B*TCHES F*CK OFF BEFORE I KICK YOU'RE A**ES!

Bubbles: Will you two stop fighting and help the Professor!!!

Blossom and Buttercup realize they forgot about the Professor.  All three girls turn to help, but by this time, he begins to regain consciousness on his own.  The Professor is still groggy as he responds.

James1: (The Professor) Whoever threw that is going to get SUCH a spanking!
James2: A long, hard spanking! (Grins)
Angelica: (Socks them both hard in the jaw) I said knock it off!

Professor: Girls, were you fighting again?

Angelica: You know, I seem to remember an actual Powerpuff episode with pretty much this exact "moral" behind it.
James1: Yeah, it was called "Octi Evil".

All three girls start explaining their sides of the story simultaneously.

Angelica: (Bubbles) Buttercup sucks!
James1: (Buttercup) Bubbles is a b*tch!
James2: (Blossom) Bubbles is a baby and Buttercup's the b*tch!

In frustration, the Professor shouts...

James2: Okay all of you strip down, you're all getting punished!
Angelica: Alright, that's it! (Tackles him to the ground and starts beating the bloody hell out of him)
James1: Even I'm not stupid enough to push her TOO far.

Professor: Enough!

All three girls shut up.

James1: It's about damn time someone managed to shut them up.

Professor: Now one at a time!  What's going on here?

Bubbles: Buttercup grabbed my drawing, it was one of my favorite drawings, but she was mad because she can't draw as well as I can, so she took it and ran away with it...

Angelica: Buttercup didn't run anywhere, she just held Bubbles back.
James1: She just didn't wanna sound too friggen weak to get it back from a stationary target.

Buttercup: I would have given it back if miss busybody over here (points at Blossom) would have given me the chance!  She's always telling everyone what to do!

Angelica: Well duh, she is the leader.

All three PowerPuff Girls start arguing simultaneously again.

Professor: Girls please!

James2: Suck my...
Angelica: (Socks him again, sending him to the ground unconscious)
James1: He never learns.

They stop arguing and look at the Professor.

Professor: I don't care who started it...

Angelica: Typical father, they don't care about anything if it means they actually have to do some parenting.

The Professor glares at Buttercup.

James1: Yeah he doesn't care who started it, then he turns on the one who did start it.
Angelica: And people wonder why so many kids rebel against everything their parents say later in life.

Professor: ...although I have a pretty good idea!

Buttercup crosses her arms, looks away, and scowls.

Angelica: Unfortunately scowls aren't very effective if nobody else can see them. Kinda defeats the point of making a facial expression.

Professor: You're all superheroes, and that means you have to work together.

Angelica: Yeah, don't you pay attention to your own TV show?

Blossom: But what if we just can't get along?!

James1: Then you're screwed.

Professor: You have to try your best to find a way.  The forces of evil always look for an opportunity to divide the forces of good.  You girls are strongest when you're working together, as a team.  Promise me that you'll try to work together instead of fighting with each other.

James2: (Finally comes to and crawls back up into his seat) Don't hit so hard next time...
Angelica: Don't make me hit you again.

The PowerPuff Girls respond in unison, half-hearted.

James1: (Singing) If I only had a heart.

PPGs: Okay, we promise.

Just then, the hotline flashes.  Blossom answers.

Angelica: Woo, that's one hott phone to make someone respond with a single flash.
James1: What, you can make innuendos but we can't?
Angelica: Mine aren't vulgar.

Blossom: Hello, Blossom here...what's that Mayor?  MoJo JoJo is robbing the Townsville Museum?  We're on our way!

James2: (Writing on a notepad) This is the most cliché way to write out a hotline call ever... learn something new every day.

The girls blast through the roof and rocket towards the Townsville Museum.  Scene change to MoJo JoJo blasting his ray gun inside the museum with the Faith diamond in his grasp.

Angelica: He's blasting his ray gun? What's he blasting it with? Is he using his ray gun to shoot his own ray gun?
James1: I always knew old MoJo would snap someday.

Mojo: Muhahahaha!  Now all I need are two more items and I can carry out my plan!

James2: You know, couldn't he have gotten the Chemical-X while he was at the convention? Woulda saved a lot of time that's being mostly wasted anyway.
James1: That would make sense wouldn't it?

The PowerPuff Girls burst into the museum through the roof.

Angelica: Welp, there goes the antique chandelier.

Blossom: Not so fast MoJo JoJo!

Mojo: PowerPuffs!  I have anticipated your arrival.  Try this on for size!  Muhahaha!

James1: (Blossom, gasping in delight) Lingerie! Wow, it fits wonderfully!
James2: (MoJo) Yes, but suddenly my pants are too small.
Angelica: (Backfists James2 in the nose)
James2: Damnit! (Holds his bloody nose)

MoJo attempts to blast the girls with his laser gun, but they move to quickly for him to get a bead on any of them.  Instead, all he accomplishes to do is inadvertently destroy a few million dollars of priceless artwork.  Buttercup and Bubbles touch down right next to a wall with a giant tapestry hanging on it.

Angelica: (Bubbles) You missed this tapestry, if you're going to destroy art you have to get it all, and you call yourself a villain!

Buttercup: Give it up MoJo!

James2: Why do the girls keep saying that all the time, like they expect him to actually give up one of these days.
James1: (MoJo) Oh shucks I can't say no to you girls, of course I give up because I just now realized stealing is wrong.

Bubbles: Yeah, we're to fast for ya!

Mojo: Curses!

James1: In other words, "$^@$%^@$%^%^@^@%%!!%%$^$%^$%&$%$%&$&**^!$!^&@"
Angelica: (Laughs) Hyeah, I just realized that, it's like the writer of the Powerpuff Girls wanted him to swear but instead just put "curses", so that's what he says.

MoJo looks up at the top of the tapestry and gets an idea.  He blasts the top of the wall causing the tapestry to fall down on top of Buttercup and Bubbles momentarily trapping them.

James2: They can destroy steel in a heartbeat, but a cloth tapestry can hold them long enough for him to try to escape.

Blossom: Oh no you don't!

Angelica: (Blossom) You haven't trapped ME yet, it's my turn!

Blossom rushes towards MoJo.  MoJo sees Blossom coming for him.  He spots a giant T-Rex skeleton with some innocent bystanders next to it.  He blasts the T-Rex with his ray gun.  Large pieces of the T-Rex skeleton begin to rain down on the people.

James2: MoJo's robbing the friggen museum with a big ass laser and there are still some idiots standing around gawking at the stupid skeletons.
James1: Take a plot device where you can I guess.

Blossom: Oh no!

Angelica: (Blossom) That poor T-Rex!

Blossom breaks off her attack on MoJo to rescue the people.  Mojo tries to escape in the confusion.  Buttercup gets free from under the tapestry and spots MoJo running towards the exit.  She blasts off and tackles MoJo causing him to drop the diamond.  Bubbles gets free from the tapestry and notices the diamond going straight for a hole in the ground made by one of MoJo's previous blasts.  Bubbles takes off to get the diamond before it reaches the hole.  Buttercup grabs MoJo with one hand and flies straight up with him in her grasp.  As she flies up, she crosses paths with Bubbles.  Bubbles smacks into the back of Buttercup knocking MoJo free in the process.  MoJo takes this opportunity to escape without the diamond.

James1: Well, this author CAN actually group actions together.
James2: I can see why he doesn't though, that's not a paragraph it's just a list of actions.
Angelica: (Shrugs) Like we haven't seen worse.

Buttercup: Darn it Bubbles!  You let MoJo get away!

Bubbles: Well he wouldn't have gotten away if you would just watch where you're going!

Angelica: Or if Buttercup just had a better grip, geeze. One little bump and she drops the supervillain. Some strength she has.

Buttercup and Bubbles turn their backs to each other.  Neither wants to look the other in the eye.  Blossom flies over.

James1: (Blossom) Aw man, I missed the fight, I was looking forward to it too.

Blossom: Come on you guys!  Don't you remember what the Professor said?  We gotta stick together no matter what.

James2: Yeah, This is only like the fourth episode in which they've had that moral.

Buttercup: Oh yeah?  Well I've had it!  I am so outta here!

Buttercup flies away.  Bubbles begins to get teary-eyed.

Angelica: (Bubbles) Can't we all just... get along?

Bubbles: Why do we have to fight all the time?

Blossom: Don't worry Bubbles, she'll calm down.  We just have to try to get along, no matter how difficult it can be sometimes.

James1: Though it would be easier to get along with a few less Powerpuff Girls hanging around...

Scene change to MoJo's volcano lair.  MoJo enters.

James2: See MOJO has a lair, while Him has a home, you'd think that would be reversed.
Angelica: You'd think.

Mojo: Curses!  Those meddling PowerPuff Girls have foiled my plans once again!

James1: "Curses, foiled again!"
James2: Long live Com-Puter!

HIM appears and startles MoJo...

HIM: Your plan?  That's not the way I remember it.

Angelica: Well you obviously haven't been reading the fic, duh.

Mojo: Master!

James1: Master!
James2: (Singing) Master of puppets is pulling the strings! Twisting your mind and smashing your dreams!
Angelica: Are you done?
James1, James2: For now.

HIM: Ohhhh...let me guess...did the PowerPuff Girls stop you again?

James1: (MoJo) No, I'm cursing myself out because I succeeded.

Mojo: They are always in my way!  I need three very special items to complete my, uh, your plan to destroy the PowerPuff Girls once and for all, but I cannot get those items because the PowerPuff Girls will stop me before I can obtain those very special things that I need to complete your plan.  And if I don't get the items I need...

James2: I'll turn into a woman! (Gasps in horror)

HIM interrupts MoJo mid-sentence.

HIM: You'd better!  I want those items, not excuses!

Angelica: It is pretty hard to find good stockings that'll fit those legs I'll bet.

Mojo: Oh, uh, yes my master!  I shall redouble my efforts!

James1: When did MoJo become Him's servant? Sure MoJo was somewhat respectful but I don't think anyone ever implied he was loyal in the slightest.
Angelica: (Shrugs) I don't know, for that matter when did Him tell MoJo to do this stuff? Didn't we watch Him hatch his plan just a while ago? When did he get in contact with Mojo between then and now? Or did Him come up with it before the fic started and he was just telling himself his own plan again?
James2: Him is pretty nuts.

HIM: Dear Mojo...I'll leave you to your work.  Don't fail me again!

HIM departs.  Once HIM leaves, MoJo begins to contemplate how he can possibly get all three items without getting stopped by the PowerPuff Girls.

Angelica: With money, duh, you're a thief, rob someone in another state and buy the materials you need with the money.
James1: Buying is too honest though, a villain would never pay for anything anyway.
James2: Then what's the point of MoJo stealing money all the time if he never intends to use it? (Silence)

Mojo: This is impossible!  Three different locations for three different items that I need to complete my evil plan.  But how can I obtain these three items when there are only one of me and three places to go.  And even if I could break myself into three different MoJo JoJos, I would still be stopped by the three different PowerPuff Girls!

Angelica: Look guys, he can count.
James1: I'm so proud...

A montage of camera shots of MoJo repeating to himself, "Three...three...three..."  Finally, MoJo gets an idea.

James2: (MoJo) By God, three plus three plus three equals nine! I've been trying to figure that out for months!

Mojo: Aha!  There is a way!  It's my only chance.

James1: I must take a bride, and start a new race of supermonkeys who will do my bidding!

MoJo starts rummaging madly through his laboratory looking for something. Scattered about are items from previous episodes like the anubis dog head that transformed everyone into puppies, etc.  He finally finds what he was looking for.  His mood changes quickly to a more somber tone.  He gently picks up a flask and holds it up into the light and gazes on the contents of the flask.

Angelica: Aaahhhh nothing like a little liquor to make you not give a damn about beating the Powerpuff girls anymore.

Mojo: After all this time.  My greatest creation!  My greatest disappointment.

MoJo turns and begins walking back to the main part of his lab.  The camera pulls in to the label on the flask to reveal: "Remains of the RowdyRuff Boys".  Inside the flask can be seen snips, snails, and a puppy dog tail.  MoJo grabs another container filled with chemical x.

James1: Oh f*ck me, not another Rowdyruff Boy resurrection...
James2: It's a small comfort to know this was one of the early ones instead of one of the flood that came after.

Mojo: This had better work.

Angelica: It didn't work once, why the hell would it work now?

MoJo looks at the container of chemical x.

Mojo: This is the all the chemical x I have left.

James1: So let's waste it on a plan that already failed once, what the Hell.

MoJo drops the contents of the flask into a big pot.  He then adds the chemical x.  MoJo just stands and watches.  For a few seconds, nothing happens; and then, BOOM!  MoJo is knocked clear across the lab and left on the floor in a very similar way as the Professor when the PowerPuff Girls were created.  MoJo quickly recovers from the blast and looks up.  There he sees the RowdyRuff Boys floating above the pot looking triumphant.  MoJo is overjoyed.

Brick: We're the RowdyRuff Boys and we're here to kick some butt!

James1: Brick's like a recording that's starting over from the beginning.
James2: Why not, most fanfics are basically recordings of episodes taped together to look different.

Mojo: My boys!

The RowdyRuff Boys look at MoJo rather puzzled.  They seem to remember something of the last time they were created, but not enough to piece anything together.

Angelica: MoJo can read their minds.
James1: So we were right, he IS telepathic.
James2: Explains the whole looking at other places thing at the beginning.

Boomer: Dude, who is that?

Brick: I dunno, but he looks kind of familiar...

James1: (Brick) Kind of like... Piccolo from Dragon Ball Z.

Butch: Yeah.

Mojo: It's me!  MoJo JoJo!  Don't you remember?

James2: I'm the one who sent you off to your deaths last time, worship me!

The RowdyRuff Boys concentrate harder in an attempt to remember.

Angelica: Boomer! Stop concentrating all over the carpet!

Butch: I think so.  Are you our pet?

MoJo's face drops.

James1: Ouch, worse than the Professor's head falling.

Mojo: No!!!...Boys...I am your father!

Angelica, James1, James2: NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

The RowdyRuff Boys recoil in horror.

James1: (MoJo) Yes boys! Come to the dark side!... Again!

Brick shakes his head in disbelief.

Brick: No!...It isn't possible!

James2: Why is it such a shock anyway? They bought it without a problem the first time.
Angelica: Yeah but I think they're supposed to be horrified because they're gonna be good guys in this fic, and MoJo's a bad guy.

Mojo: Search your memories.  You know it to be true!

Boomer: No way man!  This is too freaky!

James1: Oh man, a monkey for a father, worse than being a monkeys uncle!

Mojo: I created you once before, but all three of you were destroyed by those meddling PowerPuff Girls!

Angelica: (MoJo) Yeah, I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for those meddling girls and that woman too!

Butch: You're lying!  No way some sissy girl destroyed me!

Angelica: Boys and their ego's.

Mojo: Oh yes you were!  You all were!  That is why I need your help.  I need three very important items.  Very important items that will allow me...and all of you...to get revenge on those accursed PowerPuff Girls!

Brick: Yeah!  Let's do it!

James1: That was a sudden and dramatic change of heart.
James2: Hey, just be glad it wasn't as dragged out as that first scene. (They all shudder)

Boomer: I'm with you MoJo!

Butch makes a fist and pounds it into his other hand.

James1: (Butch) OW!

Butch: Those girls are toast!

James2: And I've got the butter... (Grins)
Angelica: Don't make me hurt you again. 

Mojo: Excellent!  Take these!

James1: Oh ecstasy!

MoJo hands the RowdyRuff Boys each a communication device.  The device is a headset with small red visor that fits in front of the left eye.  The RowdyRuff Boys put them on.

MoJo points to Brick.

James2: ... And laughs at how friggen stupid he looks.

Mojo: You get the diamond.

MoJo points to Butch.

Angelica: And tells him he's a stupid little ass who couldn't lift a bird in flight.

Mojo: You get the plutonium.

MoJo points to Boomer.

James1: And has a heart attack, dying, and ending this fic in its tracks.

Mojo: And you get the chemical x.

MoJo then addresses all of the RowdyRuff Boys.

James1: (MoJo) You now live at 1234 Alphabet Avenue.

Mojo: And remember, if you run into the PowerPuff Girls...

James2: Have a great time, you're only young once.
James1: But whatever you do, do NOT fall in love, I repeat, do NOT fall in love!

Brick interrupts MoJo.

Angelica: You're not my father!... Oh wait yes you are...

Brick: We're gonna smash 'em into oblivion!

Mojo: No!  Just get back here with the items!  Do not engage them in combat!

James1: Engage them, in another way.
James2: And since it's inevitable, here are the engagement rings.

The RowdyRuff Boys all frown at MoJo's lack of confidence in them.

Mojo: Once you three return with the items I have requested, we shall destroy the PowerPuff Girls once and for all!

James1: Wait a minute, "we"? The boys won't do anything but get the stuff.
Angelica: Well duh he'd say that, they wouldn't help him otherwise.

RowdyRuff Boys: Yeah!

The RowdyRuff Boys fly through the roof and break off into three different directions.

James2: Naturally, they know exactly WHERE to find everything they need without a word from MoJo himself.
James1: I guess it's an instinct to know exactly where it is they're supposed to go... (shrugs)

Scene changes back to PowerPuff Girls room.  Blossom and Bubbles are just returning from the museum.

Blossom: I can't believe she just ran off like that.

Angelica: The b*tch!

Bubbles: Yeah.  I mean it wasn't my fault MoJo got away.

Blossom: Well, technically, he wouldn't have gotten away if you didn't bump into Buttercup.

James1: So it WAS your fault! Mwahahahaha!
Angelica: Sibling cruelty.

Bubbles is annoyed at Blossom for inferring she's the reason why MoJo escaped.

James2: Noooo we figured she'd be happy.

Bubbles: I didn't bump into her!  She flew right in front of me!

James1: Well duh, if she didn't float in front of you you wouldn't have bumped into her ya idiot.

Blossom: Oh what's the difference.  The point is she's not back.

Just then, the hotline rings.  Blossom answers.

Angelica: It's ringing now, it flashed earlier.
James1: Doesn't it do both?

Blossom: Blossom here.  What's that Mayor?...The museum again?!...The conference center?...The army base too?!...How is that possible?...Don't worry mayor, we're on our way!

Angelica: What is there some unwritten rule where there can only be one crime at a time?
James: Yeah tell me about it, thank God they don't live in Las Vegas or New York, they'd explode.

Blossom hangs up the hotline and turns to Bubbles.

Blossom: The Townsville museum, conference center and army base are under attack!

Angelica: In that order? Wow she's good.

Bubbles: By who?

Blossom: I don't know, but we've got to find out.  You go to the conference center.  I'll go back to the museum.  Hopefully the army base can hold out until we're done.  I just wish Buttercup were here!  Let's go!

The Blossom and Bubbles fly through the roof and split off to their respective destinations.

Angelica: The Blossom and Bubbles? Did Blossom turn into an actual flower?
James1: Seems kinda like it doesn't it?

Scene changes to Brick smashing through the museum looking for the diamond.  He finally spots it under a thick clear encasement surrounded by steel bars, which are in turn surrounded by barbed wire.  He uses his laser vision to zap the obstructions.  He takes the diamond, sticks it in his pocket and flies off.

James2: Subtle.
James1: I guess subtlety doesn't matter to Rowdyruff Boys.

Scene changes to Boomer filling a rather sizeable container full of chemical x.  He grabs the container, puts it in his oversized backpack and flies off.

Angelica: And all the people that were in the "conference center" went where?
James1: What the bloody hell is a conference center anyway? You'd think they could come up with a real place to hold the conference.

Scene changes to army base.  Butch is having fun blowing up the tanks sent out to try to stop him.  All along the side of the base are huge anti-aircraft guns like the ones you'd see on a battleship.  They open fire at Butch, but he is able to dodge their fire.  One of the giant gun blasts hits him and sends him sailing into the side of a tank.  The tank is demolished from the impact of Butch's body.  Butch is a little dazed at first, but he quickly recovers.  He becomes angry.  He bolts straight for the anti-aircraft guns and starts smashing them one by one.  He bends the barrel of one of the guns causing it to backfire back into itself.  Butch spots the main door.  It's heavily shielded.  Butch pounds on the door until he gets through.  A few moments later he emerges with a small lead container with the words "RADIOACTIVE" and "PLUTONIUM" on the side.

James2: The Rowdyruff Boy: Renegade.

Scene changes to Blossom flying towards the museum.  She spots something flying towards her, but can't make it out at first.  She stops dead in the air and strains a look.  Camera changes to Brick flying from the opposite direction.  He also soon realizes that there is something in front of him in the distance.  As he flies closer, he too tries to make out what it is.  Brick comes within 50 yards of Blossom and stops dead in the air staring straight at Blossom.  At this distance, Blossom realizes who it is.

Angelica: Damn they can only see each other from 50 yards away? So much for a superhero's supersensitive eyesight huh?
James1: Yeah, and they would just have to happen to run into their "counterparts" since they didn't even know about each other before this.

Blossom: Oh my gosh!  It can't be!

Scene changes to Bubbles and Boomer in a similar situation.  They both notice each other in the air and stop dead in their tracks about 50 yards from each other.

James2: Fifty must be a magic number.

Bubbles: What?!  What's he doing here?

Scene changes to Buttercup flying very slowly in the air with her eyes down and a scowl on her face.  She's brooding over the events of the day, feeling sorry for herself.

Angelica: Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill. They know where Mojo lives for God's sakes, they can't just go to his observatory and kick his ass there?
James1: I guess their memory of his location gets wiped out every time they face him so they have to find him again.
James2: But they find it all the time.

Buttercup: (muttering to herself) Lousy Bubbles getting in my way...(mockingly) "Ooooh, I'm Blossom, and I'm perfect.  I never make any mistakes."...stupid coloring book...I can draw as good as her...I don't need them...I don't need anybody...

Angelica: Buttercups feeling sensitive about her drawing skills? This is a switch from her usual kick butt and forget names attitude.

Buttercup looks up and sees something flying straight at her.  Camera shifts to Butch.  He notices something in front of him too.  He gets about 50 yards of Buttercup and stops dead in his tracks.

James1: There's that fifty yards thing again.
James2: She wasn't even looking for him. She just happened to float sulking off in the direction of her Rowdyruff counterpart?
Angelica: Convenient.

Scene changes back to Blossom and Brick.  Brick is motionless just staring at Blossom.  He knows he has seen her before, but he can't quite remember.  Flashbacks to the time when he and Blossom fought race before his eyes.

James1: (Brick) Man, those pills the monkey gave me are really kicking in...

Brick: Who...who is that?  She...looks...

James2: Ugly as an ass...

Scene changes to Boomer and Bubbles.  Boomer gets flashbacks to the last time they met.  His memories only seem to be of Bubbles fighting or getting hurt, but without any association of who was receiving or giving the punishment.  He remembers Bubbles rescuing the children on the school bus that was thrown by one of the RowdyRuff Boys.  The last flashback is of the moment before the kiss that destroyed him.  Boomer's jaw widens; he makes a small gasp, but says nothing.

Angelica: Don't tell me, he's impressed by her and her actions and falls in love, being turned to the light side by it.

Scene changes to Buttercup and Butch.  Butch's flashbacks are the foggiest.  He only sees very small bits and pieces from their last encounter but seems to remember all of the PowerPuff Girls, not just Buttercup.

Angelica: His are the foggiest but he remembers all the girls...? How does that work?
James1: I haven't the foggiest... hehehe.

Buttercup: Oh great!  They're back!  How did this happen?

James2: Someone had the bright idea to copy directly from the show.

Scene changes to Blossom.  Her expression of shock and fear changes to a sly confident look.

Angelica: Oohhh she wants him already.

Blossom: Wait a minute.  This is going to be easy!  We can defeat them just like before!

Scene changes to Bubbles.  Bubbles also remembers how they defeated the RowdyRuff Boys the last time.  Her expression changes to that of a sultry pose like the last time.

James1: Oh yeah baby...
James2: TAKE IT OFF!
Angelica: (Decks James2)

Bubbles: All we need to do is be nice to them...

James1: Very nice...

Scene changes to Buttercup.  Apparently she has also come to the same conclusion as the rest of the girls at the same time.  However, she completes this little scripted conversation a little differently.

Buttercup: (screams in the air) And I'm not doing it!!!

Angelica: Always the "rebel" even when she did it before quite willingly, whether she said she liked it or not.

Buttercup takes off straight for Butch at full speed.  Butch, still in a bit of a daze from seeing Buttercup again, has his guard down.  Buttercup slams straight into Butch and sends him along with the case of plutonium sailing into the 1st floor of a nearby building.  The wall collapses on top of him covering him in rubble.

James2: Yeah that'll end the fight.

Scene changes to Blossom.  Blossom is putting on the "charm" like she did the last time.  She floats over to Brick and kisses him on the check.  His reaction leading up to the kiss is identical to the last time.

James1: This is getting irritating, can we please play out one scene at a time? This may work on TV but this is not TV.
Angelica: Tell me about it, this using three scenes and switching between them every five seconds is grating on my nerves.

Scene changes to Bubbles.  Bubbles reenacts the kiss from the last time on Boomer.

Scene changes to Butch.  Butch sticks his head out of the rubble and looks up at Buttercup.

James2: Where's my kiss you cheap b*tch!?

Butch: It's gonna take a lot more than a few cheap shots from you to stop me!

Butch bolts out of the rubble and clashes with Buttercup.

Angelica: Green on green, that's just horrible.

Scene changes to Brick.  Brick is screaming much like the way he did the last time Blossom kissed him.  However, he doesn't explode.

James1: Because...?
Angelica: Because he's scheduled to become a good guy, don't you know anything?

Brick: Ahhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeewwwwww!!!!!!!  Grrrrrrr!  Girl cooties!

Blossom is stunned at the turn of events.  Brick swoops up over her and gives her a double handed smash on the top of the head.  Blossom goes streaking down through the ground below.

James1: Well damn that's the very opposite reaction the rest of the world's population would give after being kissed by Blossom.
Angelica: (Slugs James2)
James2: Hey! I didn't even say anything! He did!
Angelica: Preemptive strike, I know you too well.

Brick: Petooui!

Brick spits and wipes his cheek.  He then flies off back to MoJo's lab.  After he leaves, Blossom emerges from the hole in the ground and looks up in the sky for Brick.

Angelica: (Blossom) Wait! I loooove you!

Blossom: Oh no!  It didn't work!  Now what are we going to do?

Scene changes to Bubbles and Boomer.  The scene cuts back to the moment just before the kiss.  Bubbles kisses Boomer, but instead of screaming and blowing up, Boomer reacts by holding his hand to his face on the spot where Bubbles kissed him.

James1: That's a more proper reaction.

Boomer: What did you do that for?

James2: (Bubbles) Come to my room and find out.
Angelica: You're even dumber than your original, you know that?

Bubbles realizes that this is not right.  She holds her hands up near her mouth and exclaims...

Bubbles: Oh no!  He didn't blow up!

James2: Kiss him a few more times in a different place and he'll blow.
Angelica: (Takes out a nightstick and whacks James2 in the back of the head, sending him to the ground in a heap)
James: Even I was getting tired of that.

Boomer is completely confused.

Boomer: Huh?

Angelica: Well put.

Suddenly, Bubbles and Boomer are both distracted by loud explosions in the background.  They take a quick glance at each other and then both fly off to investigate.  They soon find Buttercup and Butch fighting it out.

Butch: Had enough sissy?!

James: (Looks down at James2) Such a great opportunity wasted.
Angelica: Don't YOU get any ideas.

Buttercup: I haven't even got started!

James: Oh God it's too much...

Back and forth they duke it out.

An array of spectacular attacks are unleashed by each of them.  Bubbles and Boomer float nearby astonished at the scene in front of them.  Buttercup tries a frontal attack, but Butch sees her coming and sidesteps her.  He grabs her by the hair and sends her into a nearby water tower.  Boomer takes this opportunity to fly over to Butch and talk to him.

Angelica: The definition of arrogance, throw your opponent to the side and go talk to a good buddy.

Boomer: Dude!  MoJo said to come back right away!  What are you doing? 

Butch: Hey, I don't take orders from a monkey!

James: So what are you doing out here in the first place?
Angelica: Hyeah tell me about it, he's out here because he took the monkey's orders.

Bubbles flies off to go help Buttercup.  Buttercup emerges soaked from the water tower.

Angelica: No, I thought she'd be bone dry after going in a water tower.

Bubbles: Buttercup, are you okay?! 

Buttercup: Yeah, I'm fine.  But we've gotta stop those guys!

James: Quick, let's take off our dresses, see if that works!
Angelica: Don't make me kill you too. 

Bubbles: I tried, but it doesn't work! 

Buttercup: What doesn't work?

Angelica: Anything, apparently. 

Bubbles: You know...being nice to them? 

Buttercup: What?!

James: Everyone's always hard of hearing in fiction. "WHAT!?"

Camera changes back to Boomer and Butch.

Boomer: Come on!  We've got to get back.  We promised!

James: I don't remember that.
Angelica: There are a lot of things we don't remember, just accept it.

Butch scowls, but cools down enough to realize Boomer is right.

Butch: Okay!  Fine!  Let's just go!

Butch flies down to the building where Buttercup first knocked him into to retrieve the case of plutonium.  He grabs it and heads off for MoJo's.  Boomer follows behind, but stops momentarily to look back.  He sees Bubbles talking with Buttercup.  He focuses in on Bubbles for a moment, then turns and flies off.

James: Well since you KILLED my clone it looks like we'll need a new MST partner for the next part.

Angelica: Good riddance, he was pissing me off. (They both look up as the screen shows the Satellite of Love)

Crow: Well it looks like our plan to torture you with bad MST partners is working splendidly. Mwahahahaha.

James: Well he wasn't that bad, a handsome little devil if I say so myself.

Angelica: Why not, nobody else would say it.

James: Hey!

Servo: Don't worry, I'm sure your partner for the next part will be even worse, mwahahahahaha!

Angelica: Will you guys stop laughing like that?

Crow, Servo: MWAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Mike: I think they need a little oiling, we'll see you guys next time. (Turns off the screen)

James: (Looks down at James2's body) What do we do with him?

Angelica: Come on, I have a pit out back all prepared.

James: What, do you kill MST partners often?

Angelica: You'll find out if you keep asking questions. (Grabs the corpses body and drags it out of the theater)

James: (Shrugs) Well we'll see you next time folks. (Follows her out)